<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the New Yorker at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-freaks-out-after-giant-statue-of-obama-suddenly-appears-on-white-house-lawn">https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-freaks-out-after-giant-statue-of-obama-suddenly-appears-on-white-house-lawn</a></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><h1 class="content-header__row content-header__hed" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 44.2px; margin: 20px 0px 0px; grid-column-start: 1; grid-column-end: span 8; line-height: 1.13em; font-family: IrvinHeadingWeb, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Trump Freaks Out After Giant Statue of Obama Suddenly Appears on White House Lawn</h1></div><div><br></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">WASHINGTON, D.C. (<a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report"><span style="color: black;">The Borowitz Report</span></a>)—Donald Trump “totally freaked out” on Tuesday morning, after a gigantic statue of the former President Barack Obama appeared on the White House lawn overnight, sources have confirmed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Trump first discovered the statue, which stands approximately thirty feet tall, when he awoke to see the sculptural rendering of Obama’s face staring at him through his bedroom window.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Shaken, Trump immediately summoned his Secret Service detail to escort him down to the White House bunker, where he unsuccessfully tried to steady his nerves.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">At 7 a.m., an emergency meeting of top White House advisers was convened, during which an increasingly agitated Trump demanded to know the origin of the mysterious Obama behemoth.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Trump, who theorized that the gargantuan statue had been placed on the White House grounds by either George Soros or Jeff Bezos, ordered that the imposing monument to his predecessor be torn down and disposed of at once.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Reached by reporters at his home, Obama said that he “wasn’t sure” that he deserved a statue, especially such a large one, but expressed surprise at Trump’s decision to tear it down.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“It’s not like him,” Obama said. “He cares so much about history.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Obama’s words did little to calm Trump, however, who reportedly ordered the Secret Service to foil any plot to deposit a giant statue of Hillary Clinton on the White House lawn.<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.TomandRodna.com/MoscowCares</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><b>“I Want to Take Back My Government”</b></div><div><a href="http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/I_Want_to_Take_Back_My_Government.mp3">http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/I_Want_to_Take_Back_My_Government.mp3</a></div></div></div></body></html>