<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-says-inspection-revealed-bunker-was-dusty-because-obama-never-used-it">https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-says-inspection-revealed-bunker-was-dusty-because-obama-never-used-it</a></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><h1 class="content-header__row content-header__hed" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 44.2px; margin: 20px 0px 0px; grid-column-start: 1; grid-column-end: span 8; line-height: 1.13em; font-family: IrvinHeadingWeb, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Trump Says Inspection Revealed Bunker Was Dusty Because Obama Never Used It</h1></div><div><br></div><div><div>WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report)—After conducting a thorough “inspection” of the White House bunker on Friday night, Donald J. Trump discovered that the underground facility was covered in dust because Barack Obama never used it, Trump has confirmed.</div><div><br></div><div>“There were dust bunnies everywhere,” Trump told reporters. “Obama was President for eight years, and he didn’t set foot in that bunker once.”</div><div><br></div><div>“Here you have a world-class bunker, maybe the best bunker in the world, and Obama didn’t use it, even once?” Trump said. “I think that’s very disrespectful to the bunker.”</div><div><br></div><div>Trump said that he opened the bunker’s fridge and found it “stocked to the brim with soft drinks, totally untouched.”</div><div><br></div><div>“What kind of a person has a well-stocked bunker and just stays upstairs at his desk working?” Trump asked. “A bad or sick guy.”</div><div><br></div><div>Trump noted that, in addition to his failure to avail himself of an “amazing bunker,” Obama never once used the Insurrection Act of 1807 in his entire time in office.</div><div><br></div><div>“I don’t even know why Obama wanted to be President,” Trump said. “Obama is a mess.”</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.TomandRodna.com/MoscowCares</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif">“A
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