<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/texass-lieutenant-governor-says-dying-not-as-bad-as-living-in-state-where-he-is-lieutenant-governor">https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/texass-lieutenant-governor-says-dying-not-as-bad-as-living-in-state-where-he-is-lieutenant-governor</a><br><div><br></div><div>———————————————-</div><div><h1 class="content-header__row content-header__hed" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 44.2px; margin: 20px 0px 0px; grid-column-start: 1; grid-column-end: span 8; line-height: 1.13em; font-family: IrvinHeadingWeb, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Texas’s Lieutenant Governor Says Dying Not as Bad as Living in State Where He Is Lieutenant Governor</h1></div><div><br></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—Urging Texans to “keep things in perspective,” Texas’s lieutenant governor, Dan Patrick, said on Wednesday that dying is “surely not as bad” as living in a state where he is lieutenant governor.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Patrick, whose vehement anti-living message has stirred controversy across the country, said that he was speaking out to remind Texans that there are “some things worse than dying.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“It’s time for a reality check, folks,” Patrick said. “If you wake up every morning and remember that I am the second-highest-ranking elected official in your state, maybe dying doesn’t look so bad, after all.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Arguing that “dying has got a bad rap,” he blasted the media for what he called its “flagrant anti-death bias.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“All these media people who go on about how dying is the worst thing in the world have never spent any time with me,” he said.</span><o:p></o:p></p></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————-<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><br></div><div><div></div></div><div><br></div></div></div></div></body></html>