<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the New Yorker at:<div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><h1 class="content-header__row content-header__hed" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 44.2px; margin: 20px 0px 0px; grid-column-start: 1; grid-column-end: span 8; line-height: 1.13em; font-family: IrvinHeadingWeb, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Nation Baffled That Former Reality-Show Host Not Prepared for This</h1></div><div><br></div><div><p class="p1" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans are mystified that a former reality-show host is not prepared for this, Americans confirmed on Thursday.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">In interviews across the country, individuals expressed shock and bafflement that the vast skill-set necessary to headline a prime-time entertainment program would somehow not be adequate to address a global pandemic.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Harland Dorrinson, a resident of Lexington, Kentucky, said, “On his TV show, he sat in a big leather chair and barked lines of dialogue that other people had written for him. I assumed that that experience would come in handy if he ever had to manage an intricate and daunting public-health emergency.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Tracy Klugian, of Akron, Ohio, was equally puzzled. “When I first heard about the coronavirus, I thought, O.K., here’s his chance to draw on all his years of being an empty vessel for TV producers,” he said. “What went wrong?”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Daniela Kartpin, of Minneapolis, said that the reality-show host’s handling of the pandemic had left her shaken. “I always thought that if the country ever faced an existential threat, the best person to grapple with it would be someone who had abused celebrities for our entertainment,” she said. “This whole thing is starting to make me wonder.”</span><o:p></o:p></p></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Trump”</span></div><div><a href="http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Donald_Trump/Youre_a_Mean_One_Mr_Trump.mp3" style="caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Donald_Trump/Youre_a_Mean_One_Mr_Trump.mp3</font></a></div></div><div><br></div></div></div></body></html>