<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of <i>The DuffelBlog</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://www.duffelblog.com/2019/10/pentagon-reveals-that-cats-push-objects-off-tables-to-make-most-defense-decisions/?utm_source=Normal+Subscribers&utm_campaign=26bdbe350b-Duffel_Blog_Daily&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_6d392bc034-26bdbe350b-23783321&goal=0_6d392bc034-26bdbe350b-23783321&mc_cid=26bdbe350b&mc_eid=48e6937308">https://www.duffelblog.com/2019/10/pentagon-reveals-that-cats-push-objects-off-tables-to-make-most-defense-decisions/?utm_source=Normal+Subscribers&utm_campaign=26bdbe350b-Duffel_Blog_Daily&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_6d392bc034-26bdbe350b-23783321&goal=0_6d392bc034-26bdbe350b-23783321&mc_cid=26bdbe350b&mc_eid=48e6937308</a></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><br></div><div><h1 class="mvp-post-title left entry-title" itemprop="headline" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 3.5rem; vertical-align: baseline; -webkit-backface-visibility: hidden; font-family: Anton, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.1; width: 633.03125px;">Pentagon reveals that cats push objects off tables to make most Defense decisions</h1></div><div><br></div><div><img src="cid:8DA3AF41-8B13-48AA-994D-37F1C7ABA973"></div><div><br></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">WASHINGTON — Pentagon officials have quietly confirmed what military personnel have long suspected: Most critical defense-related decisions are made by cats pushing random objects off tables.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The power of cats has been classified for some time meow. However, recent events have forced the Pentagon to declassify what it calls Project Catnip.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“We’ve decided it was time to stop pussy-footing around,” Defense Secretary Mark Esper said. “We think our process is the cat’s meow, and we’ve decided keeping it secret would just neuter our lethality.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Cats rise above objectivity to a plane of thinking that has given the military ACUs, the F-35, how often the grass is mowed, and even the recent decision to declassify Project Catnip.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The process is complex, as more than two observers must catalogue the movements and inevitable dropping of items from the table. Today the cats determined that any operation involving the Navy and Marines together will no longer be considered a Joint operation.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“Yesterday, the cats determined that all DFAC workers in forward deployed environments will sniff two butts prior to arriving for their shifts, with three sniffs on Saturdays,” Esper said. “Also, every meal downrange will consist of tuna and milk.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">All efforts of Project Catnip have been glorious decisions by our beautiful, furry overlords. May their reign be eternal and filled with many naps.<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Trump”</span></div><div><a href="http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Donald_Trump/Youre_a_Mean_One_Mr_Trump.mp3" style="caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Donald_Trump/Youre_a_Mean_One_Mr_Trump.mp3</font></a></div></div><div><br></div></div></div></body></html>