<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div dir="ltr"><span></span></div><div dir="ltr"><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div dir="ltr"><span></span></div><div dir="ltr">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://tinyurl.com/Is-McConnell-a-Russian-Asset">https://tinyurl.com/Is-McConnell-a-Russian-Asset</a></span></div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">———————————————</div><div dir="ltr"><h1 style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; margin: 15px 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-family: Irvin-Heading; font-size: 44px; font-weight: normal; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 48px; vertical-align: baseline; text-transform: uppercase; text-align: center;">PUTIN DENIES MITCH MCCONNELL IS RUSSIAN ASSET: “HE HAS NEVER BEEN AN ASSET TO ANY COUNTRY”</h1></div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr"><div dir="ltr">MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Pushing back against charges that Senator Mitch McConnell is a Russian asset, the Russian President, Vladimir Putin, said on Tuesday that McConnell “has never been an asset to any country.”</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">“You can scour the four corners of the globe, and you will not find a nation that would ever in a million years consider Mitch McConnell an asset,” Putin said.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">The Russian President urged pundits who have called McConnell a Russian asset “to look up the word ‘asset’ in the dictionary.”</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">“You will find that ‘asset’ means a useful or valuable thing,” Putin said. “The only part of that definition that fits McConnell is ‘thing.’ ”</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">Pressing his case further, he said that it was debatable whether McConnell was even an asset to his home state of Kentucky. “Maybe compared to Rand Paul he is, but that’s setting the bar ludicrously low,” he said.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">Concluding his remarks, Putin said that people who ask, “Who does Mitch McConnell work for?” are asking the wrong question. “The question should be, ‘When has Mitch McConnell ever worked?’ ” he said.</div></div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">———————————————<br><br><div id="AppleMailSignature" dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Trump”</span></div><div><a href="http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Donald_Trump/Youre_a_Mean_One_Mr_Trump.mp3">http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Donald_Trump/Youre_a_Mean_One_Mr_Trump.mp3</a></div><div><br></div></div></div></div></body></html>