<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the New Yorker at:<div><br></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://tinyurl.com/Queen-Elizabeths-Shocking-Move">https://tinyurl.com/Queen-Elizabeths-Shocking-Move</a></span><br><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Queen Elizabeth Moving to Canada</span></div><div><br></div><div><div>LONDON ((The Borowitz Report)—Queen Elizabeth II is moving to Canada “immediately†and should take up full-time residence there by the end of the week, Buckingham Palace confirmed on Tuesday.</div><div><br></div><div>The Queen offered no reason for the move, but the palace indicated that she had been packing her bags for the past several weeks.</div><div><br></div><div>In a sign that the Queen’s decision is irrevocable, the palace revealed that her beloved corgis had already been flown to Toronto.</div><div><br></div><div>In a brief farewell statement to the British people, the Queen explained why she had chosen Canada as her new home. “We speak the language, and our picture’s on the money there,†she said.</div><div><br></div><div>She said that she had “no regrets†about abdicating the throne to her son, Charles. “At this point, there’s nothing he can do to make the U.K. more messed up than it already is,†she said.</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div><div><br></div></div></div></div></body></html>