<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://tinyurl.com/Trumps-Most-Incredible-Deal" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">https://tinyurl.com/Trumps-Most-Incredible-Deal</a><br><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Trump Says He Has Made Deal to Add Hawaii as Fiftieth State</span></div><div><br></div><div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump has reached a groundbreaking deal with the Hawaiian Islands to make them the nation’s fiftieth state, Trump confirmed on Monday.</div><div><br></div><div>Calling it “my most incredible deal yet,” Trump said that he had forced Hawaii to bend to his will and “cough up billions” to become a state.</div><div><br></div><div>“This is a big win for our country,” Trump told reporters at the White House. “Hawaii is going to be a beautiful and amazing state.”</div><div><br></div><div>Just minutes after his announcement, however, there was significant pushback from Hawaii, which claimed that it had already reached a deal to become a state in 1959.</div><div><br></div><div>That claim swiftly drew the ire of Trump, who denounced Hawaii’s alleged sixty years of statehood as “fake news” and “disgraceful.”</div><div><br></div><div>“The Hawaiians better be very, very careful what they say,” Trump warned. “I made them a state and I can take that away.”</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Trump”</span></div><div><a href="http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Donald_Trump/Youre_a_Mean_One_Mr_Trump.mp3">http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Donald_Trump/Youre_a_Mean_One_Mr_Trump.mp3</a></div><div> </div></div></div></div></body></html>