<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div dir="ltr"><span></span></div><div dir="ltr"><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8">Courtesy of the DuffelBlog at:</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.duffelblog.com/2019/03/congress-sets-voting-gun-ownership-drinking-and-enlistment-age-at-sixteen/?utm_source=Normal+Subscribers&utm_campaign=7a72dd0f50-Duffel_Blog_Daily&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_6d392bc034-7a72dd0f50-23783321&goal=0_6d392bc034-7a72dd0f50-23783321&mc_cid=7a72dd0f50&mc_eid=48e6937308">https://www.duffelblog.com/2019/03/congress-sets-voting-gun-ownership-drinking-and-enlistment-age-at-sixteen/?utm_source=Normal+Subscribers&utm_campaign=7a72dd0f50-Duffel_Blog_Daily&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_6d392bc034-7a72dd0f50-23783321&goal=0_6d392bc034-7a72dd0f50-23783321&mc_cid=7a72dd0f50&mc_eid=48e6937308</a><br><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><h1 class="mvp-post-title left entry-title" itemprop="headline" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 2.5rem; vertical-align: baseline; -webkit-backface-visibility: hidden; float: left; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.1; width: 623.03125px; font-family: Anton, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Congress sets voting, gun ownership, drinking and enlistment age at sixteen</h1></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON - Politicians celebrated after Congress voted today to lower the age a person can join the military, own a weapon, and drink thirty cans of Keystone Light before staggering to a voting booth.</div><div><br></div><div>The new cutoff is sixteen, allowing wasted high-school sophomores to participate in and die for American democracy.</div><div><br></div><div>“Just imagine the thrill of a sixteen year-old teenage person who is now an adult participating in our wonderful Democratic Party — err, our democratic voting process,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.).</div><div><br></div><div>Democratic presidential candidate Robert “Beto” O’Rourke (D-Nothing) quickly agreed.</div><div><br></div><div>“I believe that when adults previously known as minors are allowed to vote, then they should be able to get hammered at sixteen,” he said, “like I totally did with my boarder friends and my punk band and my hacker friends. Did you know I was in a punk band? Could you let these new adult voters know how cool that was?”</div><div><br></div><div>“I support gun ownership and have always recommended firing a shotgun through the door,” said Joseph Biden (D–Swimming Nude), while groping tweeners at a campaign rally/sex den. “And so should these remarkable girls, who will soon be allowed to see my door and fire on me, baby.”</div><div><br></div><div>Finally, pacifist and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton delighted the nation when she noted that military service goes hand in hand with firing guns.</div><div><br></div><div>“I believe that the younger the soldier, the greater the chance for them to die for my — I mean our — sometimes psychotic agendas,” she told reporters. “If only we had drunk, voting sixteen-year-old enlistees in my time, then we would have killed Gaddafi — for no good reason — even sooner than I wanted.”</div><div><br></div><div>At press time, few sixteen year olds were reported to have joined the military, purchased a gun or registered to vote. However, liquor stores across the nation were reported to be overwhelmed by teens looking for sugary, alcohol-based drinks with a fruity taste and a caffeine kick.</div><div><br></div><div>“I’m mixing Rip-It with Ever-clear before I report to the Corps,” said one new recruit. “That’s what my vetbro daddy recommended.”</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div id="AppleMailSignature" dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></div></body></html>