<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div dir="ltr"><span></span></div><div dir="ltr">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker </i>at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://tinyurl.com/Better-Than-a-Wall" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">https://tinyurl.com/Better-Than-a-Wall</a></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Trump Offers to Station Pence at Border with Binoculars in Lieu of Wall</span></div><div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an unexpected breakthrough that could end the government shutdown, President Donald Trump has backed down from his demand for a wall and offered instead to post Vice-President Mike Pence at the border with big binoculars.</div><div><br></div><div>According to the White House, Pence’s mission at the border will alternate between keeping an eye out for potential intruders and glaring menacingly into the distance.</div><div><br></div><div>At a press conference announcing the development, Pence appeared to embrace his new role as the nation’s first line of defense against illegal immigration.</div><div><br></div><div>“If anyone wants to sneak into the United States, why, lordy, they’ll have to get past Mike Pence first,” he said.</div><div><br></div><div>The White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, denied that stationing Pence at the border represented a concession on Trump’s part and claimed that the Vice-President was “just as good as a wall.”</div><div><br></div><div>“If anyone can take the place of an inanimate object, it’s Mike Pence,” she said.</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div id="AppleMailSignature" dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></div></body></html>