<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker </i>at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://tinyurl.com/Big-Win-for-Mueller" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">https://tinyurl.com/Big-Win-for-Mueller</a><br><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Mueller Offers Cyber Monday Plea Deals</span><div><div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Robert Mueller’s announcement that he would be offering Cyber Monday plea deals touched off hysteria among disgraced Trump associates desperate for the chance to score a drastically reduced sentence.</div><div><br></div><div>Moments after the office of the special counsel went live with its Cyber Monday Web site, <a href="http://Sing4Bob.com">Sing4Bob.com</a>, thousands of Trump cronies flooded it with traffic, causing the site to briefly crash.</div><div><br></div><div>Harland Dorrinson, the member of Mueller’s team who masterminded the Cyber Monday sale, said that the special counsel was offering a limited number of “prison doorbusters,” with sentences up to seventy-five per cent off.</div><div><br></div><div>“I’m not surprised that people are going crazy for these bargains,” Dorrinson said. “Otherwise, you could go to trial and face one of those Obama judges.”</div><div><br></div><div>He said that Mueller’s Cyber Monday sale was benefitting from a piece of fortuitous timing, since it was being held on the same day that the former Trump campaign adviser George Papadopoulos was scheduled to report to prison for a two-week sentence.</div><div><br></div><div>“Everyone who goes on the site is looking for a Papadopoulos special,” he said. “Those were all gone in the first five minutes.”</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><br></div></div></div></div></div></div></body></html>