<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the New Yorker at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://tinyurl.com/A-Very-Trump-Thanksgiving" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">https://tinyurl.com/A-Very-Trump-Thanksgiving</a></div><div><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Trump Refuses to Pardon White House Turkey After Accusing It of Working for Soros</span></div><div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a startling break with Thanksgiving tradition, Donald J. Trump refused to pardon the White House turkey after claiming that it was working as a secret operative of the billionaire George Soros.</div><div><br></div><div>A group of fourth graders from Bethesda, Maryland, who had gathered on the White House lawn for the annual turkey-pardoning ceremony appeared unprepared for the anti-Soros outburst that Trump unleashed on the Thanksgiving bird.</div><div><br></div><div>“That turkey was sent by Soros to spy on me,” Trump said, angrily turning on the fowl. “A lot of people are saying this.”</div><div><br></div><div>While the oblivious turkey pecked desultorily at the ground, an increasingly enraged Trump spewed a stream of conspiracy theories linking the feathered animal to global élites, election fraud in Florida, and Jim Acosta.</div><div><br></div><div>Trump attempted to lead the fourth-grade class in a chant of “Lock It Up,” apparently directed at the Thanksgiving delicacy, but the students slowly backed away from him in silence.</div><div><br></div><div>Tracy Klugian, one of the children who witnessed Trump’s meltdown, said that he found it “sad.”</div><div><br></div><div>“I get that he’s upset about Mueller and the midterms, but he shouldn’t take it out on a turkey,” he said.</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></div></body></html>