<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker </i>at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://tinyurl.com/Supreme-Court-Shocker" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">https://tinyurl.com/Supreme-Court-Shocker</a><br><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Merrick Garland Admits to Cheating at Scrabble Once</span></div><div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Saying that “it’s time to face the consequences of my actions,” Judge Merrick Garland admitted on Thursday that he cheated at Scrabble one time, in 2003.</div><div><br></div><div>Garland, who recently informed the Senate Judiciary Committee that he was “still available” to be confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice, choked back tears as he confessed to the “disgraceful” Scrabble incident.</div><div><br></div><div>“In late 2003, I was playing a game of Scrabble with my wife and Googled a word while she was off using the bathroom,” Garland said. “I deeply regret my behavior, which was reprehensible and inexcusable.”</div><div><br></div><div>Garland revealed that the word he Googled, “muzjiks,” all but sealed his victory in the Scrabble contest.</div><div><br></div><div>“Although this was the only time I have ever cheated at any word game, I believe it disqualifies me to sit on the United States Supreme Court,” he said. “Therefore, I hereby withdraw my name from all future consideration.”</div><div><br></div><div>Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, said that Garland’s confession vindicated Republicans’ decision not to grant him a single meeting when he was Barack Obama’s Supreme Court nominee.</div><div><br></div><div>“This revelation confirms our darkest suspicions about Merrick Garland,” Grassley said. “It looks like we dodged a bullet.”</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></div></body></html>