<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><span></span></div><div>Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://tinyurl.com/New-Parade-for-Trump" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">https://tinyurl.com/New-Parade-for-Trump</a><br><div><br></div><div>——————————————-</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Pence Stages One-Man Parade in Honor of Trump</span></div><div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hours after the Pentagon announced that it would postpone a military parade that Donald J. Trump had requested, Vice-President Mike Pence staged a one-man parade in Trump’s honor.</div><div><br></div><div>Explaining his decision to mount the solitary parade, Pence told reporters, “It is the least I can do to pay tribute to the greatness and majesty of Donald Trump, a true American hero.”</div><div><br></div><div>Pence acknowledged, however, that marching alone “was a neat way to keep the budget down.”</div><div><br></div><div>“Obviously, if money were no object, I would have gone for a little more spectacle,” he said. “Maybe a flyover by Space Force.”</div><div><br></div><div>Marching proudly with his chest thrust forward and breaking out into a near-strut, Pence’s parade route took him down Pennsylvania Avenue, where he waved occasionally to confused-looking passersby.</div><div><br></div><div>“It was weird seeing him walking all by himself,” Carol Foyler, a tourist who witnessed the Pence parade, said. “I waved back because it was just so sad.”</div><div><br></div><div>Pence’s one-man march drew high praise from Trump, who took to Twitter to declare it the largest parade in history.</div></div><div><br></div><div>——————————————-<br><br><div id="AppleMailSignature"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Roll, roll, roll your joint twist it at the end, </span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Take a puff, that's enough and pass it to a friend.</span></div><div> </div></div></div></div></div></body></html>