<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://tinyurl.com/Muellers-Big-Break" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">https://tinyurl.com/Muellers-Big-Break</a><br><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Merkel Asks Mueller If There’s Anything She Can Do to Help</span></div><div><div><br></div><div>BRUSSELS (The Borowitz Report)—The German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, took a break from the nato summit in Brussels on Wednesday to ask the independent counsel, Robert Mueller, if there is anything she can do to help.</div><div><br></div><div>According to those familiar with the phone conversation, Merkel told Mueller that she would take a leave of absence as leader of the German government and move to Washington to work full-time for Mueller “if that would be of assistance.”</div><div><br></div><div>Touting her credentials, Merkel told Mueller that she was fluent in Russian and could be helpful in translating the thousands of Russian-language documents that the special counsel has in his collection of evidence.</div><div><br></div><div>“I will work for free and pay my for my own food,” Merkel said. “I just want to make this stop.”</div><div><br></div><div>Mueller reportedly thanked Merkel for her offer but told her he had to wrap up their conversation because he had “Emmanuel Macron on the other line.”</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></div></body></html>