<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><span></span></div><div><div><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="https://tinyurl.com/Exciting-News-From-Bezos" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">https://tinyurl.com/Exciting-News-From-Bezos</a><br><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Bezos Says That When Pee Tape Is Released It Will Be Free for All Amazon Prime Members</span></div><div><div><br></div><div>SEATTLE (The Borowitz Report)—Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, announced on Tuesday that when the purported “pee tape” becomes available it will be offered free to all Amazon Prime members.</div><div><br></div><div>Speaking to reporters in Seattle, Bezos said that the pee-tape offer was “consistent with Amazon’s mandate to offer the highest-quality content to our customers.”</div><div><br></div><div>Bezos acknowledged that the tape had not surfaced yet, but said that Amazon was “working around the clock to make that happen.”</div><div><br></div><div>Bezos’s offer drew a mixed response from Prime members, with some begging Amazon not to offer the pee tape to them.</div><div><br></div><div>Over all, though, interest in the tape was robust, as pre-orders for the item quickly made it the highest-ranking product on the entire Amazon site.</div><div><br></div><div>According to its product page, customers who bought the pee tape also bought “A Higher Loyalty” by James Comey.</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div id="AppleMailSignature"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><br></div></div></div></div></div></body></html>