<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><div><b>“An American Trump" </b></div><div>From A Child's First Book of Trump by Michael Ian Black and Marc Rosenthal</div><div><br></div><div>Dear reader, I know that you might be confused</div><div>After spotting this creature that's been in the news.</div><div>What is this strange beast you keep hearing about?</div><div>Together, I think we can figure it out . . .</div><div><br></div><div>The beasty is called an American Trump.</div><div>It's skin is bright orange, it's figure is plump;</div><div>Its fur so complex, you might get enveloped.</div><div>Its hands are, sadly, underdeveloped.</div><div><br></div><div>Now, where does it live? On flat-screen TVs!</div><div>It rushes toward every camera it sees.</div><div>It thrives in the most contentious conditions</div><div>And excretes the most appalling emissions.</div><div><br></div><div>Its diet is cash, its friends all go-getters.</div><div>Its poop spells out "Trump" in ten-foot high letters.</div><div><br></div><div>Trump this and Trump that, and Trump buildings and steaks</div><div>Trump airplanes and clothing and several Trump mates.</div><div>Trump crap everywhere in a Trumpy Trump land.</div><div>But don't call it crap. The Trump calls it a brand.</div><div><br></div><div>Yes it can speak! Are you impressed?</div><div>You should be, because, a Trump's really the best.</div><div>It says so if asked, and even if not.</div><div>"I'm the best!" it declares in terms overwrought.</div><div><br></div><div>"I have all the best words and all the best things!</div><div>My water is bottled from all the best springs!</div><div>My wine is the best, and so is my brain.</div><div>You wanna know why? Too bad! I'll explain."</div><div><br></div><div>(Here's where a Trump will go on at some length</div><div>On the size of its manhood and physical strength.)</div><div><br></div><div>When finally done with its speech, it will grin</div><div>And say, "Now I hope that you're ready to WIN!"</div><div>For winning is what a Trump loves to do best.</div><div>"We'll be winning so much, you might get depressed."</div><div><br></div><div>"I've won each and every game that I've played.</div><div>Won every opinion I've ever conveyed.</div><div>Won every debate, no matter the topic.</div><div>I once had a tie - I felt philanthropic."</div><div><br></div><div>Making a deal? It had no superior!</div><div>Building a wall? The rest are inferior.</div><div>"My wall will be numero uno primero.</div><div>I'll pay for it using another's dinero."</div><div><br></div><div>And there is the crux of the Americus Trumpus:</div><div>The swagger, the boasting, the over-sized rump-us.</div><div><br></div><div>Its bluster's exceeded by total flamboyance.</div><div>It even makes claims of having clairvoyance:</div><div>"I KNEW this would happen!" it says aplenty.</div><div>Its hindsight is clocked at twenty and twenty.</div><div><br></div><div>So, what should you do with a Trump running wild?</div><div>The answer is all up to you, my dear child.</div><div>Run away screaming? Or maybe you fight it?</div><div>Reason and logic will only incite it.</div><div><br></div><div>You can cover your ears or run up a tree,</div><div>But the best thing to do is . . . turn off your TV.</div><div><br></div><div>For all of the Trump's astounding uniqueness,</div><div>It certainly has a mysterious weakness:</div><div>A Trump loves to dine on hatred and violence;</div><div>It cannot endure a moment of silence.</div><div><br></div><div>It's true! A Trump needs all of our noise to exist.</div><div>Without chaos, it shrinks to a sad, orange disk.</div><div><br></div><div>So, should you stumble upon one in the wood,</div><div>I'm not sure what you'll do; I know what you should.</div><div>Don't respond to its brags, its taunts, or its jeers.</div><div>Ignoring a Trump is a Trump's biggest fear.</div><div><br></div><div>But, if that plan fails and it keeps coming forth,</div><div>I hear there's an absence of Trumps in the North.</div></div><div><br></div>———————————————<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></body></html>