<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="http://tinyurl.com/Trump-Cancels-Schedule" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://tinyurl.com/Trump-Cancels-Schedule</a><br><div><br></div><div>— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — </div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Trump Cancels Entire Schedule to Focus on Choosing Insulting Nickname for Bob Corker</span></div><div><p data-reactid="156" style="box-sizing: inherit; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricPrecision;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">WASHINGTON (<a href="http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report" class="ArticleBody__link___1FS03" data-reactid="158" style="box-sizing: inherit; -webkit-text-decoration-skip: objects; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricPrecision; text-decoration: none; margin-left: 1px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px, rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 2px 0px, rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px -1px 0px, rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px -2px 0px, rgb(255, 255, 255) -1px 1px 0px, rgb(255, 255, 255) -1px 2px 0px, rgb(255, 255, 255) 1px 1px 0px, rgb(255, 255, 255) 1px 2px 0px, rgb(255, 255, 255) -1px 0px 0px, rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px -3px 0px; background-image: linear-gradient(rgb(255, 255, 255), rgb(255, 255, 255)), linear-gradient(rgb(255, 255, 255), rgb(255, 255, 255)), linear-gradient(rgb(0, 0, 0), rgb(0, 0, 0)); background-size: 0.05em 1px, 0.05em 1px, 1px 1px; position: relative; z-index: 0; background-position: 0px 87%, 100% 87%, 0px 92%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat, no-repeat no-repeat, repeat no-repeat;">The Borowitz Report</a>)—Donald Trump cancelled his entire schedule on Tuesday to focus all his energy on choosing an insulting nickname for the Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee, aides have confirmed.</span></p><p data-reactid="161" style="box-sizing: inherit; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricPrecision;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Trump rejected his first attempt at a demeaning moniker for the senator, “liddle’ Bob Corker,” because he felt that he had used the “liddle’ ” construction too much in the past and feared that it was getting old.</span></p><p data-reactid="163" style="box-sizing: inherit; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricPrecision;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“The President has very high standards for the insulting nicknames he uses,” an aide explained. “He was not about to settle for ‘liddle’.’ ” Trump thought he had a winner when he came up with “Corker the Porker,” until aides pointed out that the Republican senator from Tennessee has an average physique, to which such an insult would not accurately apply.</span></p><p data-reactid="165" style="box-sizing: inherit; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricPrecision;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">At midday, Trump was reportedly “very excited” by the idea of calling the Tennesseean “Bob Mothercorker,” until his daughter Ivanka begged him not to do so.</span></p><p data-reactid="167" style="box-sizing: inherit; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricPrecision;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Trump’s task was compounded later in the day, when it became clear that he would also have to figure out an insulting name for Senator Jeff Flake of Arizona. “All he keeps coming up with is ‘Jeff Flake,’ ” an aide said.</span></p></div><div>— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — <br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></div></body></html>