<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="http://tinyurl.com/Obama-Calls-American-People" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://tinyurl.com/Obama-Calls-American-People</a><br><div><br></div><div>———————————————</div><div><span style="font-family: "Irvin Heading", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Obama Begins Calling American People to Console Them About Trump Being President</span></div><div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former President Barack Obama has started calling every person in America to offer consolation about Donald Trump being President, Obama has confirmed.</div><div><br></div><div>“It’s something I meant to do right after the Inauguration,” Obama said, during a brief break from the phone calls. “I feel terrible that I didn’t get to it sooner.”</div><div><br></div><div>The former President said that, although the phone calls are a small gesture, he felt that he had to do whatever he could to extend his sympathy about Trump being President.</div><div><br></div><div>“There’s a lot of pain out there that a phone call from me can never fix,” he said. “Still, I want people to know that I care.”</div><div><br></div><div>Carol Foyler, who has been grieving since Trump was elected, last November, said that receiving a call from Obama on Monday “meant a lot.”</div><div><br></div><div>“The fact that he took the time to call me, when he had three hundred million more people left to call, is something I’ll never forget,” she said.</div></div><div><br></div><div>———————————————<br><br><div id="AppleMailSignature"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></div></div></div></body></html>