<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div>Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker </i>at:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://tinyurl.com/People-With-Dreams-Deported" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://tinyurl.com/People-With-Dreams-Deported</a></div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------</div><div><span style="font-family: 'Irvin Heading', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 44px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Eight Hundred Thousand People with Dreams to Be Deported by One with Delusions</span></div><div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Eight hundred thousand people with dreams will be deported by one person with delusions, sources confirmed on Tuesday.</div><div><br></div><div>According to reports, U.S. residents who have obtained advanced degrees, served in the military, and saved people from Hurricane Harvey will be kicked out of the country by a man who believes that his microwave is spying on him.</div><div><br></div><div>“Under this new decision, if you have worked hard, gone to school, and contributed to the country, you face immediate deportation,” one legal expert said. “On the other hand, if you can prove that you have a glaring personality disorder and a flimsy grasp on reality, you can decide the fate of those other people.”</div><div><br></div><div>The delusional man defended his controversial decision late Tuesday afternoon, accompanied by several key voices in his head.</div><div><br></div><div>“The people I am deporting are parasites who have exploited our economy,” the man, who has declared bankruptcy six times, said.</div></div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></body></html>