<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div>Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://tinyurl.com/White-House-On-Lockdown" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://tinyurl.com/White-House-On-Lockdown</a></div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------</div><div><br></div><div><div><h1 class="title" itemprop="headline" style="border: 0px; margin: 5px 0px 2px; padding: 0px; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricPrecision; font-size: 38px; font-family: 'Irvin Heading', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: normal; text-transform: uppercase; line-height: 1.1; letter-spacing: -0.05rem; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-variant-ligatures: none !important;">WHITE HOUSE ON LOCKDOWN AFTER TELEVISION IS HURLED OUT WINDOW</h1></div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The White House was on lockdown Thursday morning after a television was hurled out of a window, the Secret Service reported.</div><div><br></div><div>The incident, which occurred shortly after 10 a.m. E.S.T., caught the attention of the Secret Service after agents heard the sound of smashing glass emanating from the Oval Office.</div><div><br></div><div>“The sound was consistent with that of a large object, such as a television set, being thrown through a closed window,” a Secret Service spokesman said.</div><div><br></div><div>The television, which crashed to the ground outside the Oval Office, injured no one, the Secret Service confirmed.</div><div><br></div><div>A group of fourth-grade students from Bethesda, Maryland, was on a White House tour when the incident involving the television occurred.</div><div><br></div><div>“I heard someone screaming lots of swear words and then, like, this big crash,” Zach Dorrinson, a student on the tour, said. “It was messed up.”</div></div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><br></div></div></div></body></html>