<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div>Courtesy of the New Yorker at:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://tinyurl.com/Not-Yet-President-Pence" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://tinyurl.com/Not-Yet-President-Pence</a></div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------</div><div><br></div><div><div><h1 class="title" itemprop="headline" style="border: 0px; margin: 5px 0px 2px; padding: 0px; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricPrecision; font-size: 38px; font-family: 'Irvin Heading', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: normal; text-transform: uppercase; line-height: 1.1; letter-spacing: -0.05rem; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-variant-ligatures: none !important;">PENCE REALLY THOUGHT HE’D BE PRESIDENT BY NOW</h1></div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Commenting on Donald Trump’s first hundred days in office, Vice-President Mike Pence told Fox News on Sunday, “To tell you the truth, I really thought I’d be President by now.”</div><div><br></div><div>“When I agreed to run on the ticket with him, I said to myself, ‘Mike, after he’s been in the White House for a few weeks, he’ll be a total train wreck and you’ll be able to slide into the big-boy chair,’ ” Pence said. “I never in a million years thought he’d last a hundred days. My best guess was thirty.”</div><div><br></div><div>The former Indiana governor said that, with such seemingly fatal missteps as Trump’s failed health-care plan and travel bans, as well as any number of unhinged outbursts, “It feels like I’ve come close to getting in there maybe ten or twelve times. But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”</div><div><br></div><div>Calling the past hundred days “the longest hundred days of my life,” Pence said that he has no choice now but to “sit and wait for my moment.”</div><div><br></div><div>“I’m a man of faith, and I believe that the Lord has a plan for me,” he said. “But if another hundred days come and go and I’m still not President, you are going to see one pissed-off Mike Pence.”</div></div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></body></html>