<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div>Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:</div><div> </div><div><span style="text-decoration: underline; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="http://tinyurl.com/Trump-Breaks-Record">http://tinyurl.com/Trump-Breaks-Record</a></span></div><div><br></div><div>----------------------------------</div><div><div><h1 class="title" itemprop="headline" style="border: 0px; padding: 0px; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricprecision; font-size: 38px; font-family: 'Irvin Heading', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: normal; text-transform: uppercase; line-height: 1.1; letter-spacing: -0.05rem; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 5px 0px 12px !important; font-variant-ligatures: none !important;">TRUMP BREAKS WORLD RECORD FOR UNCONSTITUTIONAL TRAVEL BANS</h1></div><div> </div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Notching the first major achievement of his Presidency, Donald Trump has broken the world record for unconstitutional travel bans, the White House confirmed on Wednesday.</div><div><br></div><div>In an official statement announcing the new world record, the White House called Trump’s second unconstitutional ban “especially impressive” because it came only thirty-eight days after his first.</div><div><br></div><div>“In addition to the world record for unconstitutional travel bans, President Trump has also smashed the speed record for signing them,” the statement read.</div><div><br></div><div>Sean Spicer, the White House press secretary, touted the new world record in a press briefing that sometimes resembled a victory lap.</div><div><br></div><div>“After the first unconstitutional travel ban, a lot of people questioned whether the President could follow it up with another unconstitutional one so quickly,” a gloating Spicer said. “I think he silenced a lot of doubters today.”</div><div><br></div><div>In a tense moment, Spicer lashed out at a reporter who claimed that, by issuing two unconstitutional travel bans in less than two months, Trump had “set the bar too high.”</div><div><br></div><div>“The travel ban he is planning to sign tomorrow will be more unconstitutional than the first two travel bans put together,” Spicer snapped.</div></div><div><br></div><div>----------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><br></div></div></div></body></html>