<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><span></span></div><div><div>Courtesy of the New Yorker at:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://tinyurl.com/Putin-Demands-Sessions-Resign" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://tinyurl.com/Putin-Demands-Sessions-Resign</a></div><div><br></div><div>--------------------------------</div><div><div><h1 class="title" itemprop="headline" style="border: 0px; padding: 0px; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricprecision; font-size: 38px; font-family: 'Irvin Heading', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: normal; text-transform: uppercase; line-height: 1.1; letter-spacing: -0.05rem; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 5px 0px 12px !important; font-variant-ligatures: none !important;">PUTIN DEMANDS SESSIONS RESIGN FROM RUSSIAN GOVERNMENT</h1></div><div>MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—In a stunning rebuke of the Attorney General, Russian President Vladimir Putin has demanded that Jeff Sessions resign from the Russian government “at once.â€</div><div><br></div><div>Speaking at the Kremlin, Putin said that the controversies swirling around Sessions in Washington “no longer make it possible for Jeff Sessions to function as an integral part of the Kremlin team.â€</div><div><br></div><div>Putin asserted that Sessions had “become a distraction,†and ordered the Alabama native to clear out his desk at the Kremlin “by Friday morning at the latest.â€</div><div><br></div><div>While Kremlin sources said that forcing Sessions’s resignation was “a necessary measure,†they would not guarantee that he was the only member of the Trump Cabinet who would be expelled from the Russian government.</div><div><br></div><div>“We’ve put a dozen of them on notice,†one Kremlin source said.</div></div><div><br></div><div>--------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></div></body></html>