<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div>Courtesy of the New Yorker at:</div><div><br></div><div><span style="text-decoration: underline; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="http://tinyurl.com/DeVos-Touches-Book">http://tinyurl.com/DeVos-Touches-Book</a></span></div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------</div><div><div><h1 class="title" itemprop="headline" style="border: 0px; padding: 0px; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricprecision; font-size: 38px; font-family: 'Irvin Heading', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: normal; text-transform: uppercase; line-height: 1.1; letter-spacing: -0.05rem; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 5px 0px 12px !important; font-variant-ligatures: none !important;">DEVOS COMES IN CONTACT WITH BOOK FOR VERY FIRST TIME</h1></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—On her inaugural day as the Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos came into contact with a book for the first time in her life.</div><div><br></div><div>Cameras were present to capture the historic moment, as DeVos extended her left hand tentatively and eventually touched the foreign object.</div><div><br></div><div>After touching the book for approximately one minute, DeVos quickly withdrew her hand and appeared drained by the experience.</div><div><br></div><div>“It was not as bad as I thought it would be, to tell you the truth,” DeVos said. “After all these years, it turns out it was nothing to be scared of.”</div><div><br></div><div>DeVos said that she “might touch another book” in the future but gave no specific indication of when that might occur.</div><div><br></div><div>Across the nation, millions of Americans reacted to DeVos’s confirmation by requesting vouchers that would enable to them to select an Education Secretary of their own choosing.</div></div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></body></html>