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<div class="trb_ar_hl"> <span class="trb_ar_hl_k">Column: </span>
<h1 class="trb_ar_hl_t" itemprop="headline">When this is over, you
will have nothing that you want </h1>
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<p>Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump arrives
to speak at Joni's Roast and Ride at the Iowa State
Fairgrounds, in Des Moines, Iowa, on Saturday, Aug. 27,
2016.</p>
(Gerald Herbert / AP)</div>
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<div class="trb_ar_by"><span class="trb_ar_by_nm_pm"><span
data-byline-withoutby="" class="trb_ar_by_nm_au"><span
itemprop="author">Garrison Keillor</span></span><span
class="trb_ar_by_nm_pb">Special To The Washington Post</span></span></div>
<div class="trb_ar_dateline"><time itemprop="datePublished"
class="trb_ar_dateline_time" data-dt="August 31, 2016, 3:00
PM" datetime="2016-08-31T15:00:00CDT"></time> </div>
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<p style="">The cap does not look good on you, it's a duffer's
cap, and when you come to the microphone, you look like the
warm-up guy, the guy who announces the license number of the
car left in the parking lot, doors locked, lights on, motor
running. The brim shadows your face, which gives a sinister
look, as if you'd come to town to announce the closing of the
pulp factory. Your eyes look dead and your scowl does not
suggest American greatness so much as American indigestion.
Your hair is the wrong color: People don't want a president to
be that shade of blond. You know that now.</p>
<p style="">Why doesn't someone in your entourage dare to say
these things? So sad. The fans in the arenas are wild about
you, and Sean Hannity is as loyal as they come, but Rudy and
Christie and Newt are reassuring in that stilted way of
hospital visitors. And The New York Times treats you like the
village idiot. This is painful for a Queens boy trying to win
respect in Manhattan where the Times is the Supreme Liberal
Jewish Anglican Arbiter of Who Has The Smarts and What Goes
Where. When you came to Manhattan 40 years ago, you discovered
that in entertainment, the press, politics, finance,
everywhere you went, you ran into Jews, and they are not like
you: Jews didn't go in for big yachts and a fleet of aircraft
— they showed off by way of philanthropy or by raising
brilliant offspring. They sympathized with the civil rights
movement. In Queens, blacks were a threat to property values —
they belonged in the Bronx, not down the street. To the Times,
Queens is Cleveland. Bush league. You are Queens. The casinos
were totally Queens, the gold faucets in your triplex, the
bragging, the insults, but you wanted to be liked by Those
People. You wanted Mike Bloomberg to invite you to dinner at
his townhouse. You wanted the Times to run a three-part story
about you, that you meditate and are a passionate kayaker and
collect 14th-century Islamic mosaics. You wish you were that
person but you didn't have the time.</p>
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alt="Senator Cardin: 'We can't allow Trump
to trick us'"
class="trb_video_embeddedvideo_img"
title="Senator Cardin: 'We can't allow Trump
to trick us'" data-c-nd="1452x705"></figure>
</a> </div>
<div class="trb_embed_related"
data-role="gallery_item lightbox_metadata"
data-pagenumber="5" data-pagecount="37"> <span
class="trb_embed_related_title">Senator Cardin:
'We can't allow Trump to trick us'</span> </div>
</div>
</aside>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</aside>
<p style="">Running for president is your last bid for the
respect of Manhattan. If you were to win election, they
couldn't ridicule you anymore. They could be horrified, but
there is nothing ridiculous about being Leader of the Free
World. You have B-52 bombers at your command. When you go
places, a battalion of security guys comb the environs. You
attract really really good speechwriters who give you
Churchillian cadences and toss in quotes from Emerson and
Aeschylus and Ecclesiastes.</p>
<p style=""><a id="EVFES000025" title="Labor Day"
href="http://www.chicagotribune.com/topic/jobs-workplace/labor-day-EVFES000025-topic.html">Labor
Day</a> and it is not going well. You had a very bad month.
You tossed out those wisecracks on Twitter and the Earth shook
and your ratings among white suburban women with French
cookware declined. The teleprompter is not your friend. You
are in the old tradition of locker room ranting and big
honkers in the steam room, sitting naked, talking man talk,
griping about the goons and ginks and lousy workmanship and
the uppity broads and the great lays and how you vanquished
your enemies at the bank. Profanity is your natural language
and vulgar words so as not to offend the Christers but the
fans can still hear it and that's something they love about
you. You are their guy. You are losing and so are they but
they love you for it.</p>
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<p style="">So what do you do this winter? Hang around one of
your mansions? Hit some golf balls? Hire a ghostwriter to do a
new autobiography?</p>
<p style="">What the fans don't know is that it's not much fun
being a billionaire. You own a lot of big houses and you
wander around in them, followed by a waiter, a bartender, a
masseuse, three housekeepers, and a concierge, and they
probably gossip about you behind your back. Just like
nine-tenths of your campaign staff. You're losing and they
know it and they're telling mean stories about you to
everybody and his brother.</p>
<p style="">Meanwhile, you keep plugging away. It's the hardest
work you've ever done. You walk out in the white cap and you
rant for an hour about stuff that means nothing and the fans
scream and wave their signs and you wish you could level with
them for once and say one true thing: I love you to death and
when this is over I will have nothing that I want.</p>
<p style=""><em>Garrison Keillor is an author and radio
personality.</em></p>
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data-content-id="91796012" data-content-size="large"
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data-content-slug="ct-donald-trump-through-the-years-2016"
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class="trb_embed_imageContainer_figure"
imgheight="400" imgwidth="750" imgratio="16x9"><img
itemprop="image"
data-baseurl="http://www.trbimg.com/img-5820ca30/turbine/ct-donald-trump-through-the-years-2016"
alt="Donald Trump through the years"
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data-ratio="16x9" data-width="750"
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<div class="trb_embed_related trb_embed_gallerywhole">
<div class="trb_embed_related_credit_and_caption">
<p style="">
Take a look at Donald Trump's life long before his
2016 presidential bid.</p>
</div>
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