<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><span></span></div><div><div>Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:</div><div><br></div><div><span style="text-decoration: underline; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="http://tinyurl.com/hq6h8tk">http://tinyurl.com/hq6h8tk</a></span></div><div><br></div><div>--------------------------------</div><div><div><h1 class="title" itemprop="headline" style="border: 0px; padding: 0px; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricprecision; font-size: 38px; font-family: 'Irvin Heading', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: normal; text-transform: uppercase; line-height: 1.1; letter-spacing: -0.05rem; margin: 5px 0px 12px !important;">TRUMP TO CREATE JOBS FOR UNSKILLED WHITE MALES</h1></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Fulfilling a promise that was a hallmark of his campaign, President-elect Donald J. Trump said on Thursday that on Day One of his Administration he would create jobs for two unskilled white males.</div><div><br></div><div>Appearing at a press conference flanked by the males, Trump assailed an economy that had left the two men behind.</div><div><br></div><div>“These two guys are completely unskilled, unemployable, and angry,” Trump said, as the two males glowered at the press corps. “I, and I alone, can create jobs for people like them.”</div><div><br></div><div>Gesturing vehemently at the two men, Trump underlined his last point. “No one—I repeat, no one—but me is willing to give these two jobs,” he said.</div><div><br></div><div>The two unskilled men profusely thanked Trump, and said that they had almost given up hope that anyone would ever hire them again.</div><div><br></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Appearing on CNN, another unskilled white male, Corey Lewandowski, said that the two jobs Trump had created were “just the beginning.”</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“Almost everyone Donald Trump knows is an angry, unskilled white male, and he’s going to give jobs to every last one of them,” he said.</span></div><div><br></div></div><div>--------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div> </div></div></div></div></body></html>