<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><span></span></div><div><div>Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://tinyurl.com/FBI-Investigating-Hillary" target="_blank" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://tinyurl.com/FBI-Investigating-Hillary</a></div><div><br></div><div>--------------------------------</div><div><br></div><div><div><h1 class="title" itemprop="headline" style="border: 0px; margin: 5px 0px 2px; padding: 0px; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; text-rendering: geometricprecision; font-size: 38px; font-family: 'Irvin Heading', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: normal; text-transform: uppercase; line-height: 1.1; letter-spacing: -0.05rem;">COMEY SAYS F.B.I. INVESTIGATING HILLARY’S TIES TO BILL CLINTON</h1></div><div><br></div><div>WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dropping a bombshell less than a week before the Presidential election, the F.B.I. Director James Comey revealed on Wednesday that the Bureau was investigating Hillary Clinton’s ties to Bill Clinton.</div><div><br></div><div>The announcement, which Comey made in a letter to members of Congress, provoked immediate howls of protest from Hillary Clinton’s campaign chairman, John Podesta.</div><div><br></div><div>“To say that they are investigating so-called ties between Hillary and Bill Clinton while offering no specifics about what those ties might be is unconscionable this close to an election,” Podesta told CNN. </div><div><br></div><div>Comey, however, stood his ground, telling reporters that there was no way the F.B.I. could divulge the results of its Clinton-Clinton probe before Election Day. </div><div><br></div><div>“We have reason to believe that the ties between these two individuals go back to the nineteen-seventies,” he said. “This is going to take some time.”</div><div><br></div><div>On the campaign trail, Donald Trump praised Comey, whom he called “my favorite person in the world right now.”</div></div><div><br></div><div>--------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"There's room at the top they are telling you still.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you want to be like the folks on the hill."</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- John Lennon</span></div></div></div></div></body></html>