<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><h1 class="title" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: 'Mercury Display A', 'Mercury Display B'; font-size: 57.985px; margin: 0px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: rgb(34, 34, 34); line-height: 61.036px; text-rendering: auto !important;">If I Knew You Were Coming, I’d’ve Baked a Cake</h1><h2 class="subtitle" style="box-sizing: border-box; text-rendering: auto !important; border: 0px; font-family: 'Mercury Display A', 'Mercury Display B'; font-size: 29.69px; font-style: italic; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.2rem 0px 0.5rem; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: rgb(34, 34, 34); line-height: 39.06px;"></h2><div class="byline" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><h2 class="author_name" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: 'Mercury Display A', 'Mercury Display B'; font-size: 29.69px; font-style: italic; font-weight: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: rgb(163, 158, 152); line-height: 1.4; float: left; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-rendering: auto !important; margin: 0px !important;">By <a class="author" href="http://www.thenation.com/authors/calvin-trillin/" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: rgb(163, 158, 152); text-decoration: none; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; outline: 0px !important;">Calvin Trillin</a></h2><div><br></div></div></div><div><br></div><div><em style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: inherit; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">(North Carolina Wedding-Cake Bakers’ Version)
</em></div><div><em style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: inherit; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></em></div><div><div>If I know that you’re gay, I will not bake a cake,</div><div>Bake a cake, bake a cake.</div><div>’Cause I’m staying true to Jesus—that I won’t forsake.</div><div>So vamoose! Just get out of my sight!</div><div>If I know that you’re gay, then you’re not welcome here.</div><div>Disappear, disappear.</div><div>’Cause you violate the teachings that I hold so dear.</div><div>I can say take a hike. It’s my right.</div></div><div><br></div><div>--------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"There's room at the top they are telling you still.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you want to be like the folks on the hill."</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- John Lennon</span></div></div></div></body></html>