<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div>Courtesy of today's (March 8, 2016) Spokesman-Review.</div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------</div><div><h1 style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 48px; margin: 5px 0px 20px; font-family: 'Chronicle Display A', 'Chronicle Display B', serif; line-height: 1; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); -webkit-font-feature-settings: 'liga' 1, 'dlig' 1; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Couch Slouch: Tuffy tells it like it is on Iditarod Trail</h1><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It’s called “The Last Great Race on Earth” – no, not the Republican presidential quest – and as the arduous Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race treks on, Tuffy the Snow Prince, the outspoken 55-pound Siberian husky on musher Spoons Grabilovitch’s sled team, again agreed to Couch Slouch’s request to keep a daily log.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Here are excerpts of Tuffy’s Iditarod journal:</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Day 1: </strong>They hauled in snow for the start of the race in Anchorage – what is this, Disneyland? … I swear I saw a musher load his sled with packages from Amazon…. Mushers better unionize before driverless dog sleds become all the rage…. My longtime vet retired, another Obamacare casualty….It’s tough sledding out here for all of us, but I’ll still take the Iditarod Trail over I-95 any day of the week….</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The secret to my speed? Maple syrup.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Day 2:</strong> Sundays are special: We get kibble mixed with chicken fat, along with a nice piece of fresh Arctic char….To be honest, I just want to stay in the race longer than Jeb Bush….If pee freezes before water does, we’re all going to have some urinary tract problems….Glad there’s PED testing this year – last year I saw a Siberian “Extra Husky,” if you know what I mean….</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Shouldn’t we be on Alaska’s commemorative quarter?</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Day 3:</strong> Yeah, I’m somewhat ashamed to say that “Snow Dogs” is our “Citizen Kane”….I’d kill for a Motel 6 just one night….Truth be told, this might be the most gaseous group I’ve ever worked with…. They say it’s not gambling, but, hey, SledKings and MusherDuel? Gambling…. Trust me, if Ted Cruz had a dog, that puppy would run away from home….</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">As Mitch Hedberg used to say, dogs are always in push-up position.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Day 4: </strong>This race is the equivalent of running from Pennsylvania to Florida, and all we get are these dollar-store booties. Where’s Nike when you need them?….Toughest part of the trail coming up, Rohn to Nikolai – 75 miles without a fire hydrant….My Uncle Scruffy traveled the minor league sled-dog-race circuit back in the ‘90s – “long days, cold nights and no treats,” he told me….</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This year, I’m wearing my “Balto” throwback collar.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Day 5:</strong> Believe you me, there’s nothing like an Alaskan malamute making a snow angel…. Oscar Robertson thinks sled dogs were tougher in the old days…. Port-a-Potty could make a killing if it doubled its inventory and worked this baby….I tell the young pups the same thing every year and they ignore me: This is a marathon, not a sprint….</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A dog team would’ve gotten Leo DiCaprio away from that bear.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Day 6: </strong>In an informal poll of dogs here this week, 71 percent said they’d rather live in a rescue shelter than in a Donald Trump property…Hey, dog owners, we know we’re a “good boy,” okay? We get it. Enough….Gotta love the heated turf at the dog park in Nulato….Don’t believe in global warming? Vegas has a team of Portuguese water dogs at 5-2….</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I DVR the Westminster dog show every year just so I can delete it.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Day 7: </strong>Yo, mushers, if you’re going to use GPS, can you at least make it a dog’s voice?…Plenty of dogs are fast at the combine, but the Iditarod ain’t held in a dome….Make no bones about it – eventually Uber snowmobiles are going to kill off the dog sled business in Fairbanks….We all rubber-neck when we see a pregnant moose along the way….</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">For the last time – sleds are pulled by dogs, sleighs are pulled by reindeer.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Day 8:</strong> The distance from Kaltag to Unalakleet is 85 miles, or three Steph Curry jump shots….Unalakleet is very quaint, but it sure could use a 7-Eleven….I know it’s not P.C. to say this, but I am embarrassed for the Jamaican dog sled team….Open secret of the canine world: We actually hate when people pet us….Hope the spectator dogs don’t storm the trail….</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Nice to see a lot of signs for #BlackLabsMatter.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17.6px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Day 9:</strong> Heard this from a local mutt this morning: “Knock-knock.” “Who’s there?” “Juneau.” “Juneau who?” “Juneau who won the Iditarod last year?”</span></p></div><div><br></div><div>---------------------------------<br><br><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"There's room at the top they are telling you still.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you want to be like the folks on the hill."</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- John Lennon</span></div></div></div></div></div></body></html>