<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Courtesy of the New Yorker at:</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="http://tinyurl.com/Cultural-Deterioration">http://tinyurl.com/Cultural-Deterioration</a></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">-----------------------------------</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><h1 class="entry-title" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 18px; text-transform: uppercase; font-family: neutra-2-text-n7, neutra-2-text-1; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">PLAN TO REPLACE AMERICAN FOOTBALL WITH SOCCER 'ON TRACK,' SAYS EUROPE</h1><div> </div><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><img src="cid:86FA5F33-41E2-4CE9-88DA-B44684DCB222" alt="borowitz-US-soccer-580.jpeg" id="86FA5F33-41E2-4CE9-88DA-B44684DCB222" width="580" height="420"></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">BRUSSELS — A ten-year European plan to gradually phase out American football in the United States and replace it with soccer is “very much on track,” a spokesman for the European Union confirmed today.</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The E.U. spokesman, Alf-Jergen Holmboe, said the replacement of American football with soccer was the third in a three-step plan to transform the U.S. into a European country.</span></p><div id="entry-more" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><p style="border: 0px; margin: 10px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“The first two steps were electing a socialist President and instituting national health care,” he said. “Once soccer replaces football, our work will be done.”</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Holmboe said that the E.U. could take no credit for the legalization of gay marriage in the United States, but called it “a very welcome development.” He added, “Once a country has socialism, national health care, and gay marriage, soccer is usually next.”</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The spokesman offered no timetable for eliminating baseball, but indicated that it was “in the works.”</span></p></div></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">-----------------------------------<br><br><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"There's room at the top they are telling you still.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you want to be like the folks on the hill."</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- John Lennon</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div></div></div></div></div></body></html>