<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Courtesy of the New Yorker at:</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="http://tinyurl.com/Rebel-Application-Form">http://tinyurl.com/Rebel-Application-Form</a></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">------------------------------------</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><h1 class="entry-title" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form</h1><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><img src="cid:C4B3631B-E42D-48D7-9F22-6E1B102BA703" alt="h_6.04182090-580.jpg" id="C4B3631B-E42D-48D7-9F22-6E1B102BA703" width="580" height="422"></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">WASHINGTON — After announcing, on Thursday, that it would seek $500 million to help “train and equip appropriately vetted elements of the moderate Syrian armed opposition,” the White House today posted the following Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form:</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Welcome to the United States’ Moderate Syrian Rebel Vetting Process. To see if you qualify for $500 million in American weapons, please choose an answer to the following questions:</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong>As a Syrian rebel, I think the word or phrase that best describes me is: </strong><br>A) Moderate<br>B) Very moderate<br>C) Crazy moderate<br>D) Other</span></p><div id="entry-more" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><p style="border: 0px; margin: 10px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong>I became a Syrian rebel because I believe in:</strong><br>A) Truth<br>B) Justice<br>C) The American Way<br>D) Creating an Islamic caliphate</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong>If I were given a highly lethal automatic weapon by the United States, I would:<br></strong>A) Only kill exactly the people that the United States wanted me to kill<br>B) Try to kill the right people, with the caveat that I have never used an automatic weapon before<br>C) Kill people only after submitting them to a rigorous vetting process<br>D) Immediately let the weapon fall into the wrong hands</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong>I have previously received weapons from:</strong><br>A) Al Qaeda<br>B) The Taliban<br>C) North Korea<br>D) I did not receive weapons from any of them because after they vetted me I was deemed way too moderate</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong>I consider <small>ISIS</small>:</strong><br>A) An existential threat to Iraq<br>B) An existential threat to Syria<br>C) An existential threat to Iraq and Syria<br>D) The people who will pick up my American weapon after I drop it and run away</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong>Complete the following sentence. “American weapons are…”</strong><br>A) Always a good thing to randomly add to any international hot spot<br>B) Exactly what this raging civil war has been missing for the past three years<br>C) Best when used moderately<br>D) Super easy to resell online</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Thank you for completing the Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form. We will process your application in the next one to two business days. Please indicate a current mailing address where you would like your weapons to be sent. If there is no one to sign for them we will leave them outside the front door.</span></p></div></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">------------------------------------</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"There's room at the top they are telling you still.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you want to be like the folks on the hill."</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- John Lennon</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div></div></div></div></div></body></html>