<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Courtesy of the Borowitz Report at:</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><a href="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2014/03/gop-race-turns-ugly-as-paul-head-butts-cruz.html?utm_source=tny&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=borowitz&mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(47)">http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2014/03/gop-race-turns-ugly-as-paul-head-butts-cruz.html?utm_source=tny&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=borowitz&mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(47)</a></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">-----------------------------------</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><h1 class="entry-title" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-transform: uppercase; line-height: 18px; font-size: 18px; font-family: neutra-2-text-n7, neutra-2-text-1;">G.O.P. RACE TURNS UGLY AS PAUL HEAD-BUTTS CRUZ</h1><div> </div><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><img src="cid:9BD420B9-36F1-4E94-8505-EFE906929DE8" alt="paul-cruz-580.jpg" id="9BD420B9-36F1-4E94-8505-EFE906929DE8" width="580" height="305"></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a preview of what promises to be a heated race for the Republican Presidential nomination in 2016, Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) head-butted his rival Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) on the floor of the United States Senate this morning.</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The melee “came without warning,” one observer said, as Sen. Paul took to the well of the Senate to give a speech recommending a strong but measured response to the crisis in Ukraine.</span></p><div id="entry-more" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><p style="border: 0px; margin: 10px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Almost immediately, a furious and beet-red Sen. Cruz began heckling Sen. Paul, calling him a “Kentucky-fried Communist” and demanding that he “apologize to Ronald Reagan this very instant.”</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Sen. Paul seemed to ignore the heckling at first, but as Sen. Cruz’s taunts descended into a stream of profane name-calling, the Kentuckian leapt from the well of the Senate and began throttling Sen. Cruz before administering the decisive head-butt.</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“Shut up, you bastard!” Sen. Paul reportedly shouted during the brawl. “Shut up, or I’ll make you shut up!”</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A group of horrified senators—including Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont), and Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.)—pulled the two men apart, aided by a C.I.A. agent who had been monitoring the Senate’s activities at the time.</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Within moments, the free-for-all was over, but not before more fists were thrown and a gash was opened over Sen. Cruz’s left eye.</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">In the aftermath of the skirmish, Sen. Paul seemed pleased with the outcome. “Sen. Cruz and I may not always agree, but we’re both passionate about our views,” he said. “This kind of debate is healthy for the Republican Party.”</span></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Under the rules of the Senate, head-butting another senator results in a mandatory suspension of seven days, experts said.</span></p></div></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">-----------------------------------<br><br><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000">http://www.MoscowCares.com</font></a></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"There's room at the top they are telling you still.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you want to be like the folks on the hill."</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- John Lennon</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div></div></div></div></body></html>