<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><span></span></div><div><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Courtesy of today's (December 19, 2013) Spokesman Review.</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">----------------------------------</div><div><div id="story-body" style="overflow: visible !important;"><h1 style="font-size: 28px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-family: Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; clear: both; line-height: 1.2; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; overflow: visible !important;">Doug Clark: Score your level of Christmas Chaos</h1><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">We’re less than a week away from that magical day when that Holly Jolly Fat Man makes his annual appearance.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And for the record I mean Santa, not rare sightings of the county prosecutor.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">As usual, many of you out there are in the throes of a Scroogelike funk.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Because of that I’ve devised the following Christmas Chaos Quiz, which will scientifically measure the distance between your current mental state and the nearest psych ward.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Just put an X on the answers that most suit your mood. We’ll tally your score at the end to see how you rate.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Let’s begin:</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">1.</strong> I’ve been taking care of my gift list this year by …</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. Shopping at area stores. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. Ordering presents online. (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. Following UPS trucks and snatching packages off porches. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">2. </strong>Pick the answer that best describes your holiday feelings.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. Singing with carolers around the neighborhood. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. Carrying presents to a homeless shelter. (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. Stabbing a bell-ringer with a candy cane. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">3. </strong>Finish the following sentence: I stopped believing in Santa when I was…</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. Six. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. Nine. (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. Divorced and living in my car. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">4. </strong>Nothing says Christmas like a …</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. Mansion covered with a million lights. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. Nativity scene featuring all the Simpsons. (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. Sprig of mistletoe taped to my backside. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">5. </strong>Which of the following headlines would make you a believer in Christmas miracles?</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. Peace Comes to Earth. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. Cure for Cancer Found. (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. John Ahern Wins Council Recount. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">6. </strong>When I hear the phrase “visions of sugarplums,” I think of …</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. The “Night Before Christmas” poem. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. A popular novel by Janet Evanovich. (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. Mayor David Condon’s police ombudsman ordinance. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">7.</strong> Christmas Spokane style means …</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. Sledding at Manito Park. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. Skating at Riverfront Park. (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. Chestnuts hanging at XXXtreme Espresso. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">8. </strong>I really couldn’t make it through the holidays without…</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. The love of family. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. The guidance of church. (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. The buzz of peppermint schnapps. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">9. </strong>Who really knows if you’ve been naughty or nice?</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. Santa. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. Your spouse. (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. Moustache Sally on Havana and East Sprague. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong style="overflow: visible !important;">10. </strong>I went all out this Christmas and…</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A. Bought a 9-foot real tree. (2 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">B. Adorned my home with 50 red poinsettias (3 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">C. Flocked all 100 of my Christmas Chronic cannabis plants. (5 bah-humbugs)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">-----------</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">All right, let’s see how you did.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Scoring in the low 20s means that you love “It’s a Wonderful Life” and would gladly lead your coworkers in a mass singing of “Jingle Bells” at the office Christmas party.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A score above 30 bah-humbugs shows that with the right amount of eggnog you just might slug your boss at the office Christmas party.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 21px; overflow: visible !important;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Scoring 50 bah-humbugs means that you’re the one most likely to lead your co-workers in a mass orgy at the office Christmas party.</span></p></div></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">----------------------------------<br><br><div>Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</div><div><br></div><div>"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</div><div><a href="http://www.MoscowCares.com">http://www.MoscowCares.com</a></div><div> </div><div><div>Tom Hansen</div><div>Moscow, Idaho</div><div><br></div></div></div></div></body></html>