<html><body><div style="color:#000; background-color:#fff; font-family:times new roman, new york, times, serif;font-size:12pt"><div class="published" title="2013-06-06T09:13:48" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 10px; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-transform: uppercase; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);">JUNE 6, 2013</div><h1 class="entry-title" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 18px; text-transform: uppercase; font-family: neutra-2-text-n7, neutra-2-text-1; line-height: 18px;">A LETTER TO VERIZON CUSTOMERS</h1><div class="byline" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 8px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; display: inline; font-size: 12px; font-family: neutra-2-text-n4, neutra-2-text-1, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; text-transform: uppercase; float: left; width: 580px;">POSTED BY <cite class="vcard author" style="font-style: normal;"><a
href="http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/bios/andy_borowitz/search?contributorName=Andy%20Borowitz" title="search site for content by Andy Borowitz" rel="author" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; outline: 0px;">ANDY BOROWITZ</a></cite></div><div class="socialUtils" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 10px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; clear: both; float: none; height: 20px; z-index: 1; width: 580px; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px;"><ul class="utilities" style="border-width: 0px 1px 0px 0px; border-right-style: solid; border-right-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; list-style: none; font-size: 11px; font-family: neutra-2-text-n4, neutra-2-text-1, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-transform: uppercase; float: left; width: 329px; height: 20px;"><li class="utility-fb-recommend" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; height: 22px; float: left;
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overflow: visible;"><a href="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/06/a-letter-to-verizon-customers.html?printable=true¤tPage=all" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; outline: 0px; cursor: pointer; display: block; float: left; height: 20px; line-height: 20px; width: 30px; padding-left: 25px; background-image: url(http://www.newyorker.com/css/i/shell/print-share.png); margin-left: 18px; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat;">PRINT</a></li><li class="share-more-utility" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 10px; font-family: neutra-2-display-n9, neutra-2-display-1, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-transform: uppercase; height: auto; width: auto; position: relative; overflow: visible;"><span class="show-share-more" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; float: left; height: 20px; line-height: 20px; width: 30px; padding-left:
25px; background-image: url(http://www.newyorker.com/css/i/shell/share-more-open.png); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat;">MORE</span></li></ul></div><div><span></span></div><div class="entry-content" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; float: left; width: 580px; line-height: 25px; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><article><div style="border: 0px; margin-top: 10px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><img alt="boro-obama-official_opt.jpg" src="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/boro-obama-official_opt.jpg" width="290" height="362" class="mt-image-right" style="border-width: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 20px 20px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; float: right;"></div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;">WASHINGTON (<a href="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); outline:
0px;">The Borowitz Report</a>)—Today, President Obama issued the following letter to all Verizon customers:</div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;">Dear Verizon Customers,</div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;">Yesterday it came to light that the National Security Agency has been collecting millions of phone records from you each and every day. Since that news was released, many of you have called the White House with questions and concerns about this new program. To save my time and yours, here are answers to three of the F.A.Q.s (Frequently Asked Questions) we’ve been hearing from you:</div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><strong>1. Will I be charged extra for this service?</strong></div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;">I’m happy to say that the answer is no. While the harvesting and
surveillance of your domestic phone calls were not a part of your original Verizon service contract, the National Security Agency is providing this service entirely free of charge.</div><div id="entry-more" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><div style="border: 0px; margin-top: 10px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><strong>2. If I add a phone to my account, will those calls also be monitored?</strong></div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;">Once again, the answer is good news. If you want to add a child or any other family member to your Verizon account, their phone calls—whom they called, when, and the duration of the call—will all be monitored by the United States government, at no additional cost.</div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;"><strong>3. Can the National Security Agency help me understand my Verizon
bill?</strong></div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;">Unfortunately, no. The National Security Agency has tried, but failed, to understand Verizon’s bills. Please call Verizon customer service and follow the series of electronic prompts.</div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;">I hope I’ve helped clear up some of the confusion about this exciting new program. But if you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to call the White House. Joe Biden is standing by.</div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;">God bless America,</div><div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px;">President Obama</div></div></article></div><div></div><div> </div><div>Ron Force<br>Moscow Idaho USA<br><blockquote style="border-left: 2px solid rgb(16, 16, 255); margin-left: 5px; margin-top: 5px; padding-left: 5px;"> <div
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