<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Courtesy of The Onion News at:</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; white-space: nowrap; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; "><a href="http://tinyurl.com/cnmyung">http://tinyurl.com/cnmyung</a></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; white-space: nowrap; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; "> </span></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">-------------------------------------</div><div><p style="box-sizing: border-box; min-height: 1px; "><b style="box-sizing: border-box; "><h1 style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; font-weight: normal; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">2013 NRA Convention Schedule Of Events</h1></b></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; min-height: 1px; "><b style="box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); ">The National Rifle Association is holding its 142nd annual meeting in downtown Houston this weekend. Here are the scheduled events:</b></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; min-height: 1px; "><b style="box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">FRIDAY, May 3</b></p><ul style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0px; clear: both; "><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">12 p.m.</b>: Welcoming introduction video from President Obama</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">12:30 p.m.</b>: Security forced to hold back squealing teenage girls in attendance as Wayne LaPierre takes stage</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">12:35 p.m.</b>: Quick joke about how everyone in attendance must have passed a background check to warm up the crowd</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">1 p.m.</b>: Most unconscionable words you could ever imagine met with enthusiastic cheers from thousands of people</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">3 p.m.</b>: Remembrance of the victims of Sandy Hook with an extended moment of loud, scrambling excuse-making</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">6 p.m.</b>: Reasoned, level-headed debate on whether the Second Amendment continues to hold relevance</span></li></ul><p style="box-sizing: border-box; min-height: 1px; "><b style="box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">SATURDAY, May 4</b></p><ul style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0px; clear: both; "><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">11:40 a.m.</b>: Man whose face and name will someday be plastered across news websites and televisions across the nation approaches convention registration table</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">12 p.m.</b>: Performance of “God Bless America” using guns with variously pitched discharges</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">4 p.m.</b>: The 46 senators who voted against last month’s defeated gun control bill collect their winnings</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">5 p.m.</b>: One-hour triage break to treat afternoon gun wounds</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">6:30 p.m.</b>: Beaten, tied-up gun control advocates Joe Manchin (D-WV) and Pat Toomey (R-PA) lowered from roof into ravenous audience</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">8 p.m.</b>: NRA/anti-NRA protest groups mixer</span></li></ul><p style="box-sizing: border-box; min-height: 1px; "><b style="box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">SUNDAY, May 5</b></p><ul style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0px; clear: both; "><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">10 a.m.</b>: Psychological counseling booths open to let gun enthusiasts talk out their deep-seated emotional problems</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">11 a.m.</b>: Kids Korner workshop featuring popular Decorate Your Own Human Silhouette Target station</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">12 p.m.</b>: Crowd treated to free T-shirts fired from fully automatic T-shirt cannon with high-capacity magazine</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">1 p.m.</b>: Intensive five-hour town hall discussion on mental health reform</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">6:30 p.m.</b>: Man who threatened to murder the President of the United States gives rousing speech to attendees</span></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: disc; margin-left: 20px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; ">7 p.m.</b>: Attendees leave convention knowing they have done their duty to protect the freedom of the American people</span></li></ul></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">-------------------------------------<br><br><div><img src="cid:522727B5-6ACC-4A2E-BF24-A83D91A8F745" alt="image.jpeg" id="522727B5-6ACC-4A2E-BF24-A83D91A8F745" width="640" height="428"></div><div><br></div><div>Seeya round town, Moscow, because . . .</div><div><br></div><div>"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</div><div><a href="http://www.MoscowCares.com">http://www.MoscowCares.com</a></div><div> </div><div><div>Tom Hansen</div><div>Moscow, Idaho</div><div><br></div><div>"<span style="font-size: medium; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">There's room at the top they are telling you still</span><span style="font-size: medium; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "> </span></div><span style="font-size: medium; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">But first you must learn how to smile as you kill </span><br style="font-size: medium; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><span style="font-size: medium; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">If you want to be like the folks on the hill."</span></div><div><font size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469);"><br></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469);">- John Lennon<br></span></font><div> </div></div><div><br></div></div></body></html>