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<div class="">January 16, 2013</div>
<h1>The Point of Lance</h1>
<h6 class="">By
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<a href="http://topics.nytimes.com/top/opinion/editorialsandoped/oped/columnists/gailcollins/index.html" rel="author" title="More Articles by GAIL COLLINS"><span>GAIL COLLINS</span></a></span></h6>
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<p>
Right now you’re probably asking yourself: What can the Lance Armstrong scandal teach us as a nation? </p>
<p>
It had better teach us something or we’ll have wasted one heck of a lot
of time talking about this guy. And the lesson should not involve the
future of cycling. Now that Lance Armstrong is disgraced, people, how
many of you ever plan to think about the sport of cycling again? Can I
see a show of hands? I thought so. </p>
<p>
As the whole universe knows, Armstrong is a superfamous American athlete
who developed testicular cancer, went through arduous therapy and then
returned to the racing circuit as the head of the United States Postal
Service Pro Cycling Team, winning the Tour de France seven straight
times. </p>
<p>
And then the authorities stripped away his medals for serial doping.
Which Armstrong denied, virtually on an hourly basis, with a vengeance
that made “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” sound like a
confession. </p>
<p>
The denial stage is scheduled to come to an end Thursday in an Oprah
interview. After which we will discuss whether Armstrong can be
forgiven. </p>
<p>
We can certainly grant him absolution as a human being, but he appears
to be in the market for forgiveness as a celebrity. And, really, once
you get past the now-demolished race record, there’s not much point to
Lance Armstrong, Famous Person. He has no other talents. He isn’t
particularly lovable. He was once cited for using 330,000 gallons of
water at his Texas home in a month when his neighbors were being asked
to conserve by cutting back on their car-washing. He left his wife, got
engaged to the singer Sheryl Crow. He said he broke up with Sheryl Crow
because of her “biological clock.” The New York Post had him dating one
of the Olsen twins. </p>
<p>
There’s always a chance. Armstrong could demonstrate his remorse by
dedicating the rest of his life to fighting rural poverty in an
extremely remote section of Africa, preferably one where residents are
limited to a quart of water a day. His fans would come flocking back,
although Armstrong would hardly notice because the critical part of the
deal would be staying in Niger or Burkina Faso forever. </p>
<p>
Meanwhile, his foundation could pick a new spokesperson from the ranks
of American cancer survivors who went back to work without violating the
cardinal moral principle of their profession. </p>
<p>
But we still need to wring a useful lesson out of all this. Let’s
consider the U.S. Postal Service Pro Cycling Team. Between 1996 and
2004, our American mail system invested an estimated $40 million in this
venture, in return for which Armstrong and his teammates rode around
with the Postal Service insignia on their shirts. </p>
<p>
This would be the same Postal Service that lost $16 billion last year,
and I believe I speak for every stamp-buyer in the nation when I say:
What? </p>
<p>
“It really is a strong morale-building element,” the general manager of
the team said in 2001, when asked what the mailing public was getting
out of all this. There are, the manager added, a lot of people who “feel
a little bit better about the Postal Service because of its association
with Lance.” </p>
<p>
Then it would follow that the American public feels worse about the
Postal Service now that Armstrong is headed for Pariah Junction. But,
personally, I’m more focused on that $16 billion. </p>
<p>
The Armstrong heyday was back in the era when the Postal Service, having
been spun off into a quasi-private enterprise, was having delusions of
corporate grandeur. The era when it lost $8.3 million in a failed
attempt to start a retail operation in the Mall of America. Its leaders
liked the idea that “they could rub shoulders with other C.E.O.’s who
were sponsoring sports activities,” said Ruth Goldway, the chairwoman of
the Postal Regulatory Commission. </p>
<p>
Goldway was never a big fan of the postal service cycle team, although
she felt it was a better marketing tool than some of the other ideas put
into play, like “buying free tickets for postal employees to go to
football games.” And, she said, she had some sympathy for Armstrong,
“until I saw how he treated Sheryl Crow.” </p>
<p>
There still are sponsorship deals floating all around the federal
government. (The Army has one with the National Hot Rod Association.)
Nobody seems to keep track of exactly how much they add up to. Maybe
this one little area could be a staging ground for bipartisan accord.
Republicans and Democrats could join together to ban the use of federal
taxpayer dollars for sponsorship of sports events. Then they would be so
pleased with their progress that they could move on and pass a genuine
budget. The Lance Armstrong debacle would have a point! </p>
<p>
Although, actually, Representative Betty McCollum of Minnesota proposed
banning the use of taxpayer money to sponsor Nascar race teams in 2011,
and she was voted down, 281 to 148. </p>
<p>
We’ll look for another moral. Maybe something about Sheryl Crow. </p>
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<br clear="all"><br>-- <br>Art Deco (Wayne A. Fox)<br><a href="mailto:art.deco.studios@gmail.com" target="_blank">art.deco.studios@gmail.com</a><br><br><img src="http://users.moscow.com/waf/WP%20Fox%2001.jpg"><br>
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