<html><body><div style="color:#000; background-color:#fff; font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10pt"><div><div id="entryhead" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><h1 class="entry-title" style="margin: 0px 0px 6px; padding: 0px;"><span class="entry-title" style="font-weight: normal; font-size: 13px;"><font face="arial, sans-serif"><span style="line-height: 21.600000381469727px;">http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/post/the-secret-obama-second-term-agenda/2012/11/07/262e57c8-28f7-11e2-bab2-eda299503684_blog.html</span></font><br></span></h1><div><span class="entry-title"><font face="arial, sans-serif" size="4"><span style="line-height: 21.600000381469727px;"><br></span></font></span></div><h1 class="entry-title" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 6px; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.2em;"><span class="entry-title">The secret Obama second-term agenda</span></h1><div class="blog-byline"
style="font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 8px; font-style: italic;">By <span class="author vcard"><span class="fn"><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/alexandra-petri/2011/02/02/AB3jKAJ_page.html" rel="author" style="color: rgb(12, 71, 144);">Alexandra Petri</a></span></span></div></div><div id="entrytext" class="entry-content" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">Well, it’s the morning after. America is waking up and blinking repeatedly at the new day and trying to figure out where its socks went. Chicago just got to bed a few minutes ago.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">And that can mean only one thing: It’s time to whip out the secret Obama Second-Term Agenda.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width:
auto;">There’s a reason all those people on Twitter are urging us to begin the process of impeaching the president. It is not because they are sore losers with a limited grasp of spelling. That may be true also, but it is irrelevant. It is because they know what he’s up to.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">Now, with America still lurching groggily around its kitchen, it’s time for the Once and Future President to unleash the horde of things he has always had in store but was not prepared to tell us.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">We always feared, yet somehow knew, this would happen. Here, in its entirety, is the plan.</div><a name="pagebreak" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" href=""></a><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Enact sharia law, but a modified, oddly specific version of sharia law that
mandates gay marriage for everyone.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Divorce Michelle. Wed Vladimir Putin.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Death panels.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Transform America into socialist Europe, state by state, starting by swapping Texas with France.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-High-speed rail everywhere, but only to transport plucky conservative youngsters to the first annual Hunger Games.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Demand sacrifice of at least one Romney son “so that the ships can sail.”</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Whip out full birth certificate, revealing not only that he was not
born in America, but that his original name is a series of Unpronounceable Symbols which, when uttered and translated, spell the End of Days.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Replace Joe Biden with Cthulhu.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Refuse to pardon any more turkeys.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Stop feigning any interest in sports, let self go, sit around White House in sweatpants watching marathons of “Law and Order: SVU,” pausing occasionally to nationalize an industry.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Punish people for success, by public pillorying and thumbscrews.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Go on “vision quest.” Change name to “Barack Lion.”</div><div
style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Replace Cabinet with members of the Choom Gang.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Replace Malia and Sasha with drones.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Wage War on Christmas, aimed at replacing Christmas with “Redistribution Day,” when children of parents with a combined household income of more than $500,000 have their clothing and toys taken away from them and given to the More Deserving.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Open the borders, but if anyone wishes passersby a “Merry Christmas” or is seen exiting a house of worship, deport him.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Come out strongly in favor of interspecies marriage.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px;
padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Mandate new kindergarten curriculum reminding all children that “if you aren’t gay, you’ve let America down.”</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Replace all churches with Temples of Science, where children are handed free contraception by climate-change advocates dressed as feathered dinosaurs.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-End future State of the Union speeches with “God Damn America, if there IS a God.”</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Sap people’s initiative, insist they become dependent on government, telephone small-business owners late at night and breathe heavily into phone.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Eat the Internet.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px;
line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Divorce Vladimir Putin. Wed Bo.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 22px; padding: 0px; line-height: 18px; width: auto;">-Raise the level of the oceans.</div></div><div class="posted" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; padding: 7px 7px 0px; line-height: 15px; color: rgb(85, 85, 85); font-weight: bold; width: auto; clear: both; border-bottom-style: none;">By <span class="author vcard"><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/alexandra-petri/2011/02/02/AB3jKAJ_page.html" rel="author" style="color: rgb(12, 71, 144);">Alexandra Petri</a></span> | <span class="updated" title="">12:48 PM ET, 11/07/2012</span> </div><div class="posted" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; padding: 7px 7px 0px; line-height: 15px; color: rgb(85, 85, 85); font-weight: bold; width: auto; clear: both; border-bottom-style: none;"><br></div><div class="posted"
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