<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="650"><tbody><tr><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF" width="35"><br></td>
                        
                        <td bgcolor="#FFFFFF" width="525">
                            
                            <h6 style="color:#636054;font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:11px;text-transform:uppercase;font-weight:normal;padding:0 0 5px 0;margin:0;border-bottom:1px solid #b6b5b1">
                                May 14, 2012</h6>
                            
                            <h1 style="font-family:Georgia,'Times New Roman',Times,serif;font-size:30px;line-height:34px;color:#016aaa;font-weight:normal;margin:0 0 3px 0;padding:5px 0 0 0">
                                Hoping for Knockout Punch, CIA Sends JP Morgan Execs to Infiltrate Al-Qaeda</h1>
                            
                            <h2 style="font-family:Georgia,'Times New Roman',Times,serif;font-size:18px;line-height:20px;font-weight:normal;color:#636054;margin:0 0 15px 0;padding:0">
                                Terror Org Posts Huge Losses</h2>
                            
                            <table style="margin-right:20px;margin-bottom:20px;border:none" align="left" border="0">
                               <tbody><tr>
                                   <td valign="top">
                                   <img alt="" title="" style="margin:0 0 20px 0;padding:0" align="left">
                                   </td>
                               </tr>
                            </tbody></table>
                            
                            <p style="margin:0pt 0pt 15px;padding:0pt;font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:14px;line-height:16px" align="left">
                                WASHINGTON (<strong><strong><a title="Borowitz Report" href="http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=74e3e8132c&e=8ba6febced" target="_blank">The Borowitz Report</a></strong></strong>)
 – In a covert mission designed to destroy what remains of al-Qaeda, the
 CIA has been infiltrating the terror network with executives from JP 
Morgan Chase, the banking giant.<br>
<br>
The mission, which the intelligence agency had hoped to keep secret, 
came to light this week when al-Qaeda dismissed two of its top officials
 who it said were responsible for “unacceptably speculative” betting of 
the terror net’s funds on credit default swaps.<br>
<br>
Across the intelligence community, the dismissals caught the attention 
of analysts, who thought such risky behavior seemed out of character for
 al-Qaeda.<br>
<br>
“The first thing I thought was, this sounds more like the work of JP 
Morgan,” one analyst said, speaking on condition of anonymity.  
“Al-Qaeda has a reputation for being madmen, but even for them these 
investments were crazy.”<br>
<br>
Pressed about the covert mission, CIA Director David Petraeus confirmed 
today that it had been a resounding success, telling reporters, “If 
you’re serious about putting someone out of business, there’s no one 
better than these JP Morgan guys.  One of them can do more damage than a
 thousand drone strikes.”<br>
<br>
But Gen. Petraeus may have spoken too soon, as the official al-Qaeda 
website today claimed that the terror organization was on the brink of 
getting a “major financial bailout package” from a consortium of state 
sponsors of terrorism such as Iran and North Korea.<br>
<br>
“Al-Qaeda is too big to fail,” the website said.</p><p style="margin:0 0 15px 0;padding:0;font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:14px;line-height:16px" align="left">-- <br></p></td><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF" width="40">
<br></td><td width="25"><br></td></tr><tr><td width="25"><br></td><td colspan="3"><br></td></tr></tbody></table>Art Deco (Wayne A. Fox)<br><a href="mailto:art.deco.studios@gmail.com" target="_blank">art.deco.studios@gmail.com</a><br>