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May 8, 2012</h6>
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Why Mitt Romney is No Longer the Worst Person in America to Run for President</h1>
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An Endorsement from Rick Santorum</h2>
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NEW YORK (<strong><strong><a title="Borowitz Report" href="http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=05f76f7b43&e=8ba6febced" target="_blank">The Borowitz Report</a></strong></strong>) - The following open letter to America was published today by former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum:<br>
<br>
My Fellow Americans:<br>
<br>
I am writing to you today to endorse Mitt Romney for President of the United States.<br>
<br>
Now, some of you may recall that during the campaign, I took a slightly
different position on Mitt Romney. In fact, I said that Mitt Romney was
the worst person in America to run against Barack Obama for President.
Well, there’s nothing wrong with changing your mind. In fact, as Mitt
Romney himself has proved, changing your mind is the surest path to the
Republican nomination. LOL.<br>
<br>
Why do I no longer think Mitt Romney is the worst person to run for
President? Well, I started thinking about that Jet Blue pilot who went
off his nut a few weeks ago and had to be tackled by passengers. That
dude would definitely be a worse person to run for President than Mitt
Romney. Say what you will about Mitt Romney and how he made his fortune
by putting thousands of people out of work and how he invented
Obamacare before Obama did and all, he has never jeopardized the lives
of people on an airplane (that I know of). That is probably because he
flies everywhere on a private jet, staffed entirely by undocumented
workers.<br>
<br>
I also started thinking about Michael Vick. He was involved in some of
the most despicable acts in recent memory, involving the deaths of
multiple dogs. Mitt Romney, on the other hand, has only endangered the
life of one dog, his own, and he didn’t actually kill the dog, he just
literally scared the shit out of it. So if you compare Mitt Romney to
someone who has actually been responsible for the killing of dogs and
not just scaring them to death, I would have to say Michael Vick would
be slightly worse than him (although in some ways slightly better, since
Michael Vick did not create Obamacare or have gays on his staff).<br>
<br>
In conclusion, my fellow Americans, Mitt Romney is a total douche. No
one’s arguing that he isn’t. But if you compare him to either the insane
Jet Blue guy or a heartless dog-killer like Michael Vick, Mitt Romney
is no longer the worst person in America to run for President. I should
add, however, that if anything should happen to Mitt Romney between now
and November, such as him getting trapped in his Swiss bank vault with
all his ill-gotten money and tragically suffocating to death, I stand
ready and willing to be your nominee. Plus I am an actual Christian who
does not believe in magic underpants.<br>
<br>
Vote for Romney,<br>
<br>
Rick Santorum<br clear="all"><br>-- <br>Art Deco (Wayne A. Fox)<br><a href="mailto:art.deco.studios@gmail.com" target="_blank">art.deco.studios@gmail.com</a><br>