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<h1 class="articleHeadline">Dogging Mitt Romney</h1>
<span><h6 class="byline">By <a rel="author" href="http://topics.nytimes.com/top/opinion/editorialsandoped/oped/columnists/gailcollins/index.html?inline=nyt-per" title="More Articles by Gail Collins" class="meta-per">GAIL COLLINS</a></h6>
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<h6 class="dateline">Published: March 7, 2012 </h6>
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I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this, but Mitt Romney once drove to
Canada with the family Irish setter on the roof of the car. </p>
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Seamus, the dog-on-the-roof, has become a kind of political icon. You
cannot go anywhere without running into him. There are Seamus T-shirts
and endless Web sites. This week, the story was a New Yorker cover, with
Rick Santorum playing the role of the Irish setter. </p><p>
Neil Swidey, the Boston Globe reporter who first broke the Seamus story
in 2007, wrote recently that he had been avoiding a return to the topic
for fear that some day the dog would wind up in the lead of his
obituary. </p><p>
Which I can totally understand. </p><p>
The story took place in 1983, when the Romney family made a 12-hour
pilgrimage from Boston to a vacation home in Canada. Romney, his wife,
Ann, and five sons were in the station wagon. Seamus was in a crate, or
kennel, on the roof. </p><p>
At some point — possibly in response to the excitement about being
passed by tractor-trailers while floating like a furry maraschino cherry
on top of the car, Seamus developed diarrhea. And Romney, who had
designated all the acceptable rest stops before beginning the trip, was
forced to make an unscheduled trip to a gas station. Where he kept the
family in the car while he hosed down the station wagon and the dog,
then returned to the highway. </p><p>
“It was a tiny preview of a trait he would grow famous for in business: emotion-free crisis management,” Swidey wrote. </p><p>
People, does any of this sound appealing? Elect Mitt Romney and he will
take the nation on the road to the future. Some of us will be stuck on
the roof. The rest of us will be inside singing camp songs and waiting
for the day when the master plan lets us stop to visit the bathroom.
Plus, anybody who screws up on the way to the future gets the hose.
</p><p>
Anyhow, we are now at a post-Super-Tuesday lull in the campaign, and I am ready to answer Seamus questions. </p><p>
<strong>Haven’t you brought this episode up like about 10 million times already?</strong> </p><p>
I’ve made a kind of game of trying to mention Seamus every time I write
about Mitt Romney. This is because the Republican primary campaign has
been an extremely long and depressing slog, and we need all the
diversion we can get. </p><p>
<strong> It’s as though you’re saying this is the most important fact about a possible future president of the United States.</strong> </p><p>
You could argue that the Seamus story puts Romney in a more human
context. This is not just a quarter-billionaire with approximately the
same gift for the common touch as Scrooge McDuck. This is a real person.
A person who once drove to Canada with the family dog tied to the roof
of the car. </p><p>
<strong> In a kennel, right?</strong> </p><p>
“This is a completely air-tight kennel, mounted on the top of our car.
He climbed up there regularly, enjoyed himself,” Romney told Chris
Wallace in a Fox interview that began with Wallace, a dog owner,
demanding: “What were you thinking?” </p><p>
<strong> Wait a minute, if the kennel was air-tight, how did Seamus breathe?</strong> </p><p>
Excellent question. Also hard to envision the animal continually trying
to leap on top of the station wagon in order to enjoy its delights.
</p><p>
<strong> So that’s it from Romney?</strong> </p><p>
He did once suggest that the Seamus publicity was a plot by PETA to get
even with him for allowing rodeo performances at the Winter Olympics in
Utah. </p><p>
<strong> I bet President Obama would never put Bo on top of a car.</strong> </p><p>
Yes, the Obama campaign has been eager to point this out. Although,
really, if you’re the president of the United States, you can give the
dog his own helicopter if you want to. </p><p>
I should note that when it comes to presidents and dogs, Romney would
have to go a long way to match Lyndon Johnson, who once held up his
beagles by the ears for photographers. </p><p>
<strong> Is it even legal to drive around with a dog on top of your car?</strong> </p><p>
Chris Wallace did ask Romney if he knew that he was breaking a
Massachusetts law against cruelty to animals. Mitt did his heh-heh-heh
thing and pleaded ignorance. The law is actually kind of vague. But I
will point out that a member of a group called Dogs Against Romney drove
to a protest in Colorado with a model of Seamus on top of his car and
was stopped by the police. </p><p>
<strong> I heard a rumor that when the family got to Canada, Seamus ran away.</strong> </p><p>
Seeking sanctuary? Mitt’s sister, Jane, told Swidey that the dog
developed a tendency to wander, and that she took Seamus to her home in
California where there was more space. She also gave The Globe an
extremely cute picture of Seamus cuddling with some kittens. </p><p>
<strong> Does Romney have a dog now? I’m not sure I want to see Seamus II in the White House.</strong> </p><p>
Romney occasionally says, “We love our pets. Heh. Heh. Heh.” The Romney
camp hates talking about Seamus-related issues, but there’s no evidence
of an actual family dog at the present. If there is one, I’d hate to
think of how it travels when they fly between campaign stops. </p> <div class="articleCorrection">
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<h6 class="metaFootnote">A version of this op-ed appeared in print on March 8, 2012, on page <span>A</span><span>31</span> of the <span>New York edition</span> with the headline: Dogging Mitt Romney.</h6>
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<div id="commentsHeader" class="commentsHeader opposingFloatControl wrap"> <div id="commentsHeaderData" class="element1"><h3 class="sectionHeader"><a name="comments"></a><a name="postcomment"></a> 241 Comments </h3>
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<li id="comment5693296" class="comment firstComment"> <div class="opposingFloatControl wrap"> <div class="commentThumb element1"><img src="http://pimage.timespeople.nytimes.com/4811/0597/cropped-48110597.jpg?0.34863241996860306"></div>
<div id="commentElement2_5693296" class="commentContainer element2"><div class="commentHeader wrap" id="permid1"> <ul class="commenterMetaList element1"><li class="commenter">Karen Garcia</li>
<li class="commenterLocation">New Paltz, NY</li><li class="commenterCredentials"> <div class="containingBlock"> <span class="commenterTrustedIcon">Verified</span> </div> </li>
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</div> </div> </div><div class="commentBody"> <p>Ever
since I heard the Seamus story and started watching Mitt on TV, I was
struck by the similarity to the National Lampoon "Vacation" movie, which
came out the same year (1983) as the Romneys' ill-fated road trip. (A
few bloggers have noticed the creepy coincidence too.) In the movie,
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) ties Dinky the dog to the rear bumper and
then takes off down the interstate with the pooch still attached to the
car. Accidentally on purpose, it would seem.<br><br>The actress who
plays Griswold's wife bears an uncanny resemblance to Ann Romney --
perfectly coiffed blond,an ultra-perky June Cleaver on steroids,
long-suffering and similarly tone-deaf. They have little sympathy for
the poor relations they encounter during their journey. When their old
Aunt Edna unexpectedly dies (of neglect?) during the road trip, Clark
simply ties her corpse to the roof of the station wagon and later dumps
it in somebody's back yard under cover of darkness. But not before they
go through the old lady's purse for whatever is left of her Social
Security check.<br><br>The Romneys and the Griswolds are self-involved
Questors of the good life, running roughshod over everyone in their
paths and caring not a whit about the mess they leave behind, or even
how they appear to others. If Mitt ever does arrive at his Wally World
White House, will he take us on a merry-go-round to nowhere, or on a
roller coaster ride through hell? One thing's for sure: all the Aunt
Ednas will be tossed over the side.</p> </div><div class="commentFooter wrap"> <ul class="commentActionsList element1"><li class="commentTime"><a id="permalink1" href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/08/opinion/collins-dogging-mitt-romney.html?comments#permid=1">March 7, 2012 at 7:12 p.m.</a></li>
<li class="commentRecommend"><span class="commentRecommendLinkText">Recommended</span><span class="commentRecommendedIcon"></span><span class="commentRecommendedCount">668</span></li></ul> </div><div class="commentActions box" id="commentActionsBox_5693296">
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<div class="commentHeader wrap" id="permid1_15"> <ul class="commenterMetaList element1"><li class="commenter">lynninny</li><li class="commenterLocation">NY</li></ul> <div class="commentBannerContainer element2">
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<div class="commentBody"> <p>Karen, thanks for the laugh today! That was priceless. </p> </div><div class="commentFooter wrap"> <ul class="commentActionsList element1">
<li class="commentTime"><a id="permalink1_15" href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/08/opinion/collins-dogging-mitt-romney.html?comments#permid=1:15">March 8, 2012 at 6:42 a.m.</a></li><li class="commentRecommend"><span class="commentRecommendLinkText">Recommended</span><span class="commentRecommendedIcon"></span><span class="commentRecommendedCount">8</span></li>
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<ul class="commenterMetaList element1"><li class="commenter">John Thomas</li><li class="commenterLocation">Rockville, MD</li></ul> <div class="commentBannerContainer element2"> <div class="commentBanner wrap">
<div class="commentFlagContainer containingBlock"> </div> </div> </div> </div><div class="commentBody"> <p>
Following
Marc from NYC (who suggested John Candy as Chris Christie), I propose
Ralph Fiennes as Eric Cantor and Robert Duvall as hapless John Boehner
(who really wants to be reasonable but doesn't dare admit it, even to
himself). <br><br>To play Seamus, well, .... hmmmm... computer animation will most likely be required.</p> </div><div class="commentFooter wrap"> <ul class="commentActionsList element1">
<li class="commentTime"><a id="permalink1_16" href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/08/opinion/collins-dogging-mitt-romney.html?comments#permid=1:16">March 8, 2012 at 6:42 a.m.</a></li><li class="commentRecommend"><span class="commentRecommendLinkText">Recommended</span><span class="commentRecommendedIcon"></span><span class="commentRecommendedCount">7</span></li>
</ul> </div></div></div></li></ol></div></div></li></ol><br clear="all"><br>-- <br>Art Deco (Wayne A. Fox)<br><a href="mailto:art.deco.studios@gmail.com" target="_blank">art.deco.studios@gmail.com</a><br>