<html><body bgcolor="#FFFFFF"><div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><div><div>Courtesy of the Borowitz Report at:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com/"><a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com">http://www.borowitzreport.com</a></a></div><div><br></div><div>------------------------------</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); font-size: 12px; color: rgb(99, 97, 88); line-height: 12px; "><h1 style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; clear: both; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 2.83em; line-height: 1.12em; color: rgb(1, 106, 170); font-weight: normal; "><span id="LabelTitle">In Confident Sign, Gingrich Changes Facebook Status to ‘In an Open Relationship’</span></h1><h2 style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; clear: both; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.22em; font-weight: normal; "><span id="LabelSubTitle">Newt to America: ‘Join Me. Join Me in My Marriage’</span></h2></span><div>CHARLESTON, SC – In a sign of renewed confidence, just minutes after former House Speaker Newt Gingrich romped to victory in the South Carolina primary he changed his Facebook status to “In an Open Relationship.”</div><div><br></div><div>Mr. Gingrich made no reference to his new Facebook status during his victory speech, in which he made an emotional appeal to the American people: “I say to each and every one of you: Join me. Join me in my marriage.”</div><div><br></div><div>The former House Speaker used the speech to highlight the differences between himself and the current resident of the White House: “The American people have a choice: do they want a President who issues food stamps, or one who runs up a $500,000 tab at Tiffany?”</div><div><br></div><div>Mr. Gingrich drew cheers and a standing ovation as he concluded his remarks, saying, “In closing, I am staying at the Marriott, Rm. 205. Ladies?”</div><div><br></div><div>In yet another boost, Mr. Gingrich received this nod from former rival Herman Cain: “I am not endorsing Newt Gingrich, but I am endorsing Newt Gingrich’s lifestyle.”</div><div><br></div><div>At the White House, President Obama made only a glancing reference to the results in South Carolina, telling reporters, “I haven’t been this happy since we smoked bin Laden.”</div><div><br></div><div>For his part, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney minimized Mr. Gingrich’s 12% margin of victory: “That’s even less than I pay in taxes.”</div></div><div><br></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">------------------------------</span></span><br><br><div>Seeya later, Moscow.</div><div><br></div><div>Tom Hansen</div><div>Post Falls, Idaho</div><div><br></div><div>"If not us, who?</div><div>If not now, when?"</div><div><br></div><div>- Unknown</div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div></body></html>