[From nobody Wed Nov 16 11:07:06 2011
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Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:45:11 -0800
From: rafalen &lt;rafalen@turbonet.com&gt;
Reply-To: rafalen &lt;rafalen@turbonet.com&gt;
To: lfalen@turbonet.com
Subject: BORED HUSBAND
Message-ID: &lt;92442dbe6fa86e3d18e49bc03de8772d@turbonet.com&gt;
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    *Now this could very well be Bob!


    *
    *_BORED HUSBAND
    _**
    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
    to Target.

    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred
    to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most
    women - she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
    Target:

    /Dear Mrs. Harris,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion
    in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced
    to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your
    husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our
    video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
    other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
    5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
    the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from
    her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
    management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&amp;Ms
    on layaway

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows
    and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children
    obliged.
    /**
    **/8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    EMTs were called.

    9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it
    as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
    look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22/*/*:When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
    he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'Oh No! It's those
    voices again!'*/
    /**/
    */15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where
    the fitting room was?
    /*
    */And last, but not least:
    /**
    **/16./**/October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
    waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet
    paper in here.'

    One of the clerks passed out./*


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Message-ID: &lt;4EC28338.5080605@tds.net&gt;
Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2011 07:20:24 -0800
From: Parkins &lt;bkparkins@tds.net&gt;
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Subject: Fwd: Fw: BORED HUSBAND
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    *Now this could very well be Bob!


    *
    *_BORED HUSBAND
    _**
    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
    to Target.

    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred
    to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most
    women - she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
    Target:

    /Dear Mrs. Harris,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion
    in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced
    to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your
    husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our
    video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
    other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
    5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
    the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from
    her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
    management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&amp;Ms
    on layaway

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows
    and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children
    obliged.
    /**
    **/8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    EMTs were called.

    9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it
    as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
    look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22/*/*:When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
    he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'Oh No! It's those
    voices again!'*/
    /**/
    */15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where
    the fitting room was?
    /*
    */And last, but not least:
    /**
    **/16./**/October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
    waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet
    paper in here.'

    One of the clerks passed out./*


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&lt;html&gt;
  &lt;head&gt;

    &lt;meta http-equiv=&quot;content-type&quot; content=&quot;text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1&quot;&gt;
  &lt;/head&gt;
  &lt;body bgcolor=&quot;#FFFFFF&quot; text=&quot;#000000&quot;&gt;
    &lt;br&gt;
    &lt;div style=&quot;color:#000; background-color:#fff; font-family:times new
      roman, new york, times, serif;font-size:18pt&quot;&gt;
      &lt;div style=&quot;font-family: times new roman, new york, times, serif;
        font-size: 18pt;&quot;&gt;
        &lt;div style=&quot;font-family: times new roman, new york, times,
          serif; font-size: 12pt;&quot;&gt;
          &lt;div id=&quot;yiv394369796&quot;&gt;
            &lt;div&gt;
              &lt;div dir=&quot;ltr&quot;&gt;
                &lt;div&gt;
                  &lt;div&gt;
                    &lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;Now this could very well be
                            Bob!&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                        &lt;br&gt;
                        &lt;br&gt;
                        &lt;br&gt;
                      &lt;/b&gt;&lt;span class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-style-span&quot;
                        style=&quot;WORD-SPACING:0px;FONT:medium
Helvetica;TEXT-TRANSFORM:none;TEXT-INDENT:0px;WHITE-SPACE:normal;LETTER-SPACING:normal;BORDER-COLLAPSE:separate;orphans:2;widows:2;&quot;&gt;
                        &lt;div class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxhmmessage&quot;
                          style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:10pt;FONT-FAMILY:Tahoma;&quot;&gt;
                          &lt;div dir=&quot;ltr&quot;&gt;
                            &lt;table border=&quot;0&quot; cellpadding=&quot;0&quot;
                              cellspacing=&quot;0&quot;&gt;
                              &lt;tbody&gt;
                                &lt;tr&gt;
                                  &lt;td valign=&quot;top&quot;&gt;
                                    &lt;div&gt;&lt;font color=&quot;black&quot;&gt;&lt;font
                                          id=&quot;yiv394369796ecxyiv1942482617ecxyiv879921734role_document&quot;
                                          color=&quot;#000000&quot; face=&quot;Arial&quot;
                                          size=&quot;2&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;u&gt;&lt;span
                                                style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:black;&quot;&gt;BORED
                                                HUSBAND&lt;span
                                                  class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                              &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/u&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
                                              style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:black;&quot;&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                              After I retired, my wife
                                              insisted that I accompany
                                              her on her trips to
                                              Target.&lt;span
                                                class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                              &lt;br&gt;
                                              Unfortunately, like most
                                              men, I found shopping
                                              boring and preferred to
                                              get in and get out.
                                              Equally unfortunate, my
                                              wife is like most women -
                                              she loves to browse.&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                              &lt;br&gt;
                                              Yesterday my dear wife
                                              received the following
                                              letter from the local
                                              Target:&lt;br&gt;
                                              &lt;br&gt;
                                              &lt;i&gt;&lt;font color=&quot;#c00000&quot;&gt;Dear
                                                  Mrs. Harris,&lt;span
                                                    class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  Over the past six
                                                  months, your husband
                                                  has caused quite a
                                                  commotion in our
                                                  store. We cannot
                                                  tolerate this behavior
                                                  and have been forced
                                                  to ban both of you
                                                  from the store. Our
                                                  complaints against
                                                  your husband, Mr.
                                                  Harris, are listed
                                                  below and are
                                                  documented by our
                                                  video surveillance
                                                  cameras:&lt;span
                                                    class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  1. June 15: He took 24
                                                  boxes of condoms and
                                                  randomly put them in
                                                  other people's carts
                                                  when they weren't
                                                  looking.&lt;span
                                                    class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  2. July 2: Set all the
                                                  alarm clocks in
                                                  Housewares to go off
                                                  at 5-minute intervals.&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  3. July 7: He made a
                                                  trail of tomato juice
                                                  on the floor leading
                                                  to the women's
                                                  restroom.&lt;span
                                                    class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  4. July 19: Walked up
                                                  to an employee and
                                                  told her in an
                                                  official voice, 'Code
                                                  3 in Housewares. Get
                                                  on it right away'.
                                                  This caused the
                                                  employee to leave her
                                                  assigned station and
                                                  receive a reprimand
                                                  from her Supervisor
                                                  that in turn resulted
                                                  with a union
                                                  grievance, causing
                                                  management to lose
                                                  time and costing the
                                                  company money.&lt;span
                                                    class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  5. August 4: Went to
                                                  the Service Desk and
                                                  tried to put a bag of
                                                  M&amp;Ms on layaway&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  6. August 14: Moved a
                                                  'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
                                                  sign to a carpeted
                                                  area.&lt;span
                                                    class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  7. August 15: Set up a
                                                  tent in the camping
                                                  department and told
                                                  the children shoppers
                                                  he'd invite them in if
                                                  they would bring
                                                  pillows and blankets
                                                  from the bedding
                                                  department to which
                                                  twenty children
                                                  obliged.&lt;span
                                                    class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                &lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:rgb(1,1,1);&quot;&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                            &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
                                              style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:black;&quot;&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font
                                                  color=&quot;#c00000&quot;&gt;8.
                                                  August 23: When a
                                                  clerk asked if they
                                                  could help him he
                                                  began crying and
                                                  screamed, 'Why can't
                                                  you people just leave
                                                  me alone?' EMTs were
                                                  called.&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  9.. September 4:
                                                  Looked right into the
                                                  security camera and
                                                  used it as a mirror
                                                  while he picked his
                                                  nose.&lt;span
                                                    class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  10. September 10:
                                                  While handling guns in
                                                  the hunting
                                                  department, he asked
                                                  the clerk where the
                                                  antidepressants were.&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  11. October 3: Darted
                                                  around the Store
                                                  suspiciously while
                                                  loudly humming the '
                                                  Mission Impossible'
                                                  theme.&lt;span
                                                    class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  12. October 6: In the
                                                  auto department, he
                                                  practiced his 'Madonna
                                                  look' by using
                                                  different sizes of
                                                  funnels on his chest.&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  13. October 18: Hid in
                                                  a clothing rack and
                                                  when people browsed
                                                  through, he yelled
                                                  'PICK ME! PICK ME!'&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  14. October 22&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font
                                              color=&quot;#c00000&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
                                                  style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:rgb(1,1,1);&quot;&gt;:&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;font
                                                    color=&quot;#c00000&quot;&gt;When
                                                    an announcement came
                                                    over the loud
                                                    speaker, he assumed
                                                    a fetal position and
                                                    screamed 'Oh No!
                                                    It's those
                                                    voices&nbsp;again!'&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
                                    &lt;div&gt;&lt;font color=&quot;black&quot;&gt;&lt;font
                                          color=&quot;#000000&quot; face=&quot;Arial&quot;
                                          size=&quot;2&quot;&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font
                                              color=&quot;#c00000&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
                                                  style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:rgb(1,1,1);&quot;&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span
style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:9pt;COLOR:black;&quot;&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                          &lt;/span&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
                                              style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:black;&quot;&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font
                                                  color=&quot;#c00000&quot;&gt;15.
                                                  Took a box of condoms
                                                  to the check out clerk
                                                  and asked where the
                                                  fitting room was?&lt;br&gt;
                                                &lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;span
style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:9pt;COLOR:black;&quot;&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                          &lt;/span&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
                                              style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:black;&quot;&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font
                                                  color=&quot;#c00000&quot;&gt;And
                                                  last, but not least:&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                &lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:rgb(1,1,1);&quot;&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                            &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
                                              style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:black;&quot;&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font
                                                  color=&quot;#c00000&quot;&gt;16.&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;span
style=&quot;FONT-SIZE:18pt;COLOR:rgb(1,1,1);&quot;&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font color=&quot;#c00000&quot;&gt;&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;October 23: Went
                                                  into a fitting room,
                                                  shut the door, waited
                                                  awhile, and then
                                                  yelled very loudly,
                                                  'Hey! There's no
                                                  toilet paper in here.'&lt;span
class=&quot;yiv394369796ecxApple-converted-space&quot;&gt;&nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                                  &lt;br&gt;
                                                  One of the clerks
                                                  passed out.&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                      &lt;/font&gt;&lt;br&gt;
                                      &lt;br&gt;
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                      &lt;/span&gt;&lt;br
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                    &lt;/blockquote&gt;
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