<html><body bgcolor="#FFFFFF"><div></div><div>Courtesy of the Borowitz Report at:</div><div><br></div><a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com/">http://www.borowitzreport.com/</a><div><div> </div><div>------------------------------</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); font-size: 34px; color: rgb(1, 106, 170); font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 38px; ">China Announces ‘Occupy America’</span><br></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); font-size: 12px; color: rgb(99, 97, 88); line-height: 12px; "><p style="text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 1.25em; line-height: 1.2em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-size: 12px; "><h2 style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; clear: both; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.22em; font-weight: normal; "><span id="LabelSubTitle">Mysterious Movement’s Goals Unclear</span></h2></span></span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 1.25em; line-height: 1.2em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); ">BEIJING – The Chinese government raised eyebrows around the world today by announcing a mysterious national movement called “Occupy America.”</span><br></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 1.25em; line-height: 1.2em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); ">In a brief statement, the Chinese government said that while Occupy America was “not exactly a protest </span>movement,” its effects would be felt in “every city, town and Wal-Mart in America.”</span><br></p><p style="text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 1.25em; line-height: 1.2em; ">Hinting that the movement had widespread support in China, the statement said that Occupy America “would have the full participation of approximately 1.3 billion Chinese.”</p><p style="text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 1.25em; line-height: 1.2em; ">At the State Department, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said that the goals of Occupy America “remain unclear,” adding, “The official policy of the U.S. government towards things we don’t fully understand is to do nothing.”</p><p style="text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 1.25em; line-height: 1.2em; ">Later, after a phone call with Chinese officials, Secretary Clinton said she came away feeling reassured: “They told me that Occupy America actually started thirty years ago.”</p><p style="text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 1.25em; line-height: 1.2em; ">Elsewhere, to mark the Statue of Liberty’s 125<sup>th</sup> birthday, police across the country beat up protesters.</p><p style="text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 1.25em; line-height: 1.2em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-size: 17px; "><div>------------------------------</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "><br></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); ">Seeya round town, Moscow.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "><br></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); ">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); "></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); ">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></span></p></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.300781); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.234375); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.234375);"><br></span></span></div></div></div></body></html>