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<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'>Courtesy
of the Army Times at:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'><a
href="http://www.ArmyTimes.com">http://www.ArmyTimes.com</a><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'>-------------------------------------------------------------------------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='line-height:15.0pt;background:white'><span
style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:#333333'>The
PowerPoint rant that got a colonel fired<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='background:white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:#555555'><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='background:white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:#777777'>Staff report<br>
Posted : Thursday Sep 2, 2010 16:52:58 EDT<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<div style='mso-element:para-border-div;border:none;border-bottom:solid windowtext 1.0pt;
padding:0in 0in 1.0pt 0in'>
<p class=MsoNormal style='border:none;padding:0in'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";display:none'>Top of Form<o:p></o:p></span></p>
</div>
<p class=MsoNormal style='background:white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:#555555'><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<div style='mso-element:para-border-div;border:none;border-top:solid windowtext 1.0pt;
padding:1.0pt 0in 0in 0in'>
<p class=MsoNormal style='border:none;padding:0in'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";display:none'>Bottom of Form<o:p></o:p></span></p>
</div>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>Army Col. Lawrence Sellin was fired two days after his sarcastic
rant was published by the United Press International wire service.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>Sellin was fired because he didn’t clear his remarks
through public affairs and failed to clear “written or oral presentations
to the media” through a designated public affairs officer. Here is what
he wrote:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>---------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>KABUL, Afghanistan — Throughout my career I have been
known to walk that fine line between good taste and unemployment. I see no
reason to change that now.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>Consider the following therapeutic.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>I have been assigned as a staff officer to a headquarters in
Afghanistan for about two months. During that time, I have not done anything
productive. Fortunately, little of substance is really done here, but that is a
task we do well.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>We are part of the operational arm of the International Security
Assistance Force commanded by Army Gen. David Petraeus. It is composed of
military representatives from all the NATO countries, several of which I cannot
pronounce.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>Officially, International Joint Command was founded in late 2009
to coordinate operations among all the regional commands in Afghanistan. More
likely it was founded to provide some general a three-star command. Starting
with a small group of dedicated and intelligent officers, IJC has successfully
grown into a stove-piped and bloated organization, top-heavy in rank. Around
here, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a colonel.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>For headquarters staff, war consists largely of the endless
tinkering with PowerPoint slides to conform with the idiosyncrasies of
cognitively challenged generals in order to spoon-feed them information. Even
one tiny flaw in a slide can halt a general’s thought processes as
abruptly as a computer system’s blue screen of death.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>The ability to brief well is, therefore, a critical skill. It is
important to note that skill in briefing resides in how you say it. It
doesn’t matter so much what you say or even if you are speaking Klingon.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>Random motion, ad hoc processes and an in-depth knowledge of
Army minutia and acronyms are also key characteristics of a successful staff
officer. Harried movement together with furrowed brows and appropriate
expressions of concern a la Clint Eastwood will please the generals. Progress
in the war is optional.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>Each day is guided by the “battle rhythm,” which is
a series of PowerPoint briefings and meetings with PowerPoint presentations. It
doesn’t matter how inane or useless the briefing or meeting might be.
Once it is part of the battle rhythm, it has the persistence of carbon 14.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>And you can’t skip these events because they take roll
— just like gym class.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>The start and culmination of each day is the commander’s
update assessment. Please ignore the fact that “update assessment”
is redundant. Simply saying commander’s update doesn’t provide the
possibility of creating a three-letter acronym. It also doesn’t matter
that the commander never attends the CUA.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>The CUA consists of a series of PowerPoint slides describing the
events of the previous 12 hours. Briefers explain each slide by reading from a
written statement in a tone not unlike that of a congressman caught in a tryst
with an escort. The CUA slides only change when a new commander arrives or the
war ends.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>The commander’s immediate subordinates, usually one- and
two-star generals, listen to the CUA in a semi-comatose state. Each briefer has
about one or two minutes to impart either information or misinformation.
Usually they don’t do either. Fortunately, none of the information
provided makes an indelible impact on any of the generals.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>One important task of the IJC is to share information to the
ISAF commander, his staff and to all the regional commands. This information is
delivered as PowerPoint slides in e-mail at the flow rate of a fire hose.
Standard operating procedure is to send everything that you have. Volume is
considered the equivalent of quality.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>Next month, IJC will attempt a giant leap for mankind. In a
first-of-its-kind effort, IJC will embed a new stovepipe into an already
existing stovepipe. The rationale for this bold move resides in the fact that
an officer, who is currently without one, needs a staff of 35 people to create
a big splash before his promotion board.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>Like most military organizations, structure always trumps
function.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>The ultimate consequences of this reorganization won’t be
determined until after that officer rotates out of theater.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>Nevertheless, the results will be presented by PowerPoint.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>----------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:7.5pt;line-height:16.2pt;background:
white'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:#555555'>The views expressed are Sellin’s own and are not
necessarily those of the Army or U.S. government. Reprinted with permission
from UPI.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'>-------------------------------------------------------------------------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'>Seeya
round town, Moscow.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'>Tom
Hansen<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'>Moscow,
Idaho<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'>"Patriotism
is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady
dedication of a lifetime."<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"'>--
Adlai E. Stevenson, Jr.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p>
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