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>From Andy Borowitz and the Borowitz Report.....Carl Westberg Jr. <br>
<span id="LabelReport">Just minutes after
their party's longstanding losing tradition lay in tatters on the
ground, millions of shell-shocked Democrats stared at their television
screens in disbelief, asking themselves what went right.</span><br>
<br>For Democrats, who have become accustomed to their party blowing
an election even when it seemed like a sure thing, Tuesday night's
results were a bitter pill to swallow.<br>
<br>The head-shaking and finger-pointing over the demise of the
Democrats' losing streak, which many of the party faithful had worn
like a badge of honor, reached all the way to the upper echelons of the
Democratic National Committee.<br>
<br>"Believe me, I'm as shocked by these results as anybody," said
DNC chief Howard Dean, who indicated he has received hundreds of calls
from incredulous party members. "We did everything in our power to
screw this thing up."<br>
<br>Dean pointed to several key elements the Democrats put in place
to ensure defeat, ranging from "a rancorous primary campaign" to "the
appointment of me."<br>
<br>"Somehow, despite our best efforts to snatch defeat from the
jaws of victory, we won," he said. "I came in here with a mandate to
blow this thing and I didn't get it done."<br>
<br>Carol Foyler, a lifelong Democrat who owns a loom supply store
in Portland, Maine, said she has been "nearly catatonic" since the
election results were announced.<br>
<br>"For the past eight years, I've fixed myself some herbal tea,
turned on NPR, and ranted about the Republicans," she said. "All that
has been taken from me."<br>
<br>Elsewhere, Sen. John McCain offered this comment on Sen. Barack
Obama's victory: "My friends, I've got him just where I want him." <br><br><br /><hr />Color coding for safety: Windows Live Hotmail alerts you to suspicious email. <a href='http://windowslive.com/Explore/Hotmail?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_hotmail_acq_safety_112008' target='_new'>Sign up today.</a></body>
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