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Thanks for clearing that up for me, Joan. Now, however, after a
lifetime of being comfortable in my own skin you've rattled the pillars
of my manhood. Being a balding, pudgy, middle-aged fashion cretin has
been a full time job up until now (although I never have been accused
of cracking wise with my posterior physiography (sic).) Between the
nose hair, ear hair and eyebrows that compete with Andy Rooney's (all
of which increase at an increasing rate in a compounding logarithmic
scale directly proportional to my age) I'll now be forced to purchase
cheesy hair trimming devices only found on QTV or late night
commercials to protect the sensibilities of your ilk as well as my new
found vanity.<br>
<br>
Life is so complicated some times.<br>
<br>
Dave budge<br>
<br>
Joan Opyr wrote:<br>
<blockquote type="cite"
cite="midBAY10-DAV295DB63A561FE9B2497DA4C5750@phx.gbl">
<div>As is well-known from Auntie Establishment's biography (as
posted on my website), I find the public display of butt-cracks an
egregious offense to good taste, good looks, and good social order.
I'm not bothered, however, by the display of underwear. Show your
boxer shorts all you like! Let's get a glimpse of that Victoria's
Secret brassiere! Underwear is great! Underwear is good! Even when
it's displayed as outerwear. To this, I say, so what? No doubt when
that Republican coot in Virginia sits down, the tops of his cheap,
black nylon socks are on full display to all and sundry, as is a
two-inch stretch of the blinding white leg above. I know these
sanctimonious Southern gent-types and their proclivity for wearing
ill-fitting polyester trousers; I grew up with them, and I blame them
in part for my poor eyesight. I was blinded at an early age by the
gratuitous summertime display of their lily-white legs in paisley
Bermuda shorts.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>No, I don't mind underwear. What I don't want to see are:</div>
<div> </div>
<div>1) Your butt-crack.</div>
<div>2) Your pot-belly.</div>
<div>3) Your long nasal hairs.</div>
<div>4) Any long hairs that might be protruding from your ears. And,
</div>
<div>5) You balding men out there who are unable to love yourselves
as you are. Get thee to a therapist and then to a good hairdresser.
Why? Because I don't want to see your long, fooling-no-one,
thick-tendril comb-overs anymore. Just stop it. Do what the smart gay
men do -- get all of your remaining hair cut very, very short. This
has the queer (if you'll excuse the expression) effect of making you
look like you have more hair, not less. No kidding.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>So, no, Dave, I won't be generating a petition in Idaho re:
underwear. Unfortunately, I despair of ever being able to enact any
of my various prejudices into law. Butt-cracks will continue to smile
at me vertically from low-cut jeans; pot-bellied men will take off
their shirts in the summer heat. Nose hairs will sprout from nostrils
like kudzu from a Southern ditch. And bald men will continue to let
the hair grow over (and out of) their ears until it turns into
squid-like tentacles that they can pull over their naked scalps and
plaster into place with God-knows-what kind of terrifying hair paste.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Why, why, why?! Only God and Vitalis know the answer.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment</div>
<div><a href="http://www.auntie-establishment.com">www.auntie-establishment.com</a></div>
<div> </div>
<blockquote
style="border-left: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0); padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 0px;">
<div
style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 10pt; line-height: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size-adjust: none;">-----
Original Message -----</div>
<div
style="background: rgb(228, 228, 228) none repeat scroll 0%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 10pt; line-height: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size-adjust: none; color: black;"><b>From:</b>
David M. Budge</div>
<div
style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 10pt; line-height: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size-adjust: none;"><b>Sent:</b>
Tuesday, February 08, 2005 9:05 PM</div>
<div
style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 10pt; line-height: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size-adjust: none;"><b>To:</b>
Vision2020 Moscow; Joan Opyr</div>
<div
style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 10pt; line-height: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size-adjust: none;"><b>Subject:</b>
Well, It ain't plumbing</div>
<div> </div>
...but it's a start. <br>
<br>
Joan,<br>
<br>
Time to start a petition?<br>
<br>
Dave Budge<br>
<h1 class="Headline">Underwear Police? Virginians May Be Fined For
Low-Cut Pants</h1>
<h2 class="SubHead"><i>People Would Face $50 Fine</i></h2>
<div class="posted"><TEXT id="txt_posted">POSTED:</TEXT> 7:14 am
EST February 8, 2005</div>
<!--startindex--><b class="Dateline">RICHMOND, Va. -- </b>A Norfolk,
Va., legislator says the droopy-drawers bill may be his legacy.
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<td class="surveytitle" bgcolor="#b0c4de"> <span
class="large"><strong class="surveytitletext"
style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">SURVEY</strong></span></td>
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<div class="medium" id="question1"><span
class="questiontext" id="questiontext1">Should a state have the right
to fine people whose underwear show above their pants?</span><input
type="hidden" value="1" name="questionum">
<div class="answerblock" id="answerblock1">
<div class="answer" id="q1a1"><input id="q1a1"
type="radio" value="1" name="answer1"><label for="q1a1"><span
class="medium">Yes, it's indecent.</span></label></div>
<div class="answer" id="q1a2"><input id="q1a2"
type="radio" value="2" name="answer1"><label for="q1a2"><span
class="medium">No, that would be a violation of Americans' freedoms.</span></label></div>
<div class="answer" id="q1a3"><input id="q1a3"
type="radio" value="3" name="answer1"><label for="q1a3"><span
class="medium">No, it would be too difficult to enforce. Who decides
what's indecent?</span></label></div>
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The Virginia House of Delegates has tentatively approved a bill to
crack down on people who wear low-riding pants.
<hr>
<ul>
<img height="12" alt=""
src="cid:part1.05070507.03050304@davebudge.com" width="22" border="0"
moz-do-not-send="true"><b>Discussion:</b><a
href="http://forums.ibsys.com/viewmessages.cfm?sitekey=ny&Forum=79&Topic=11533">Fined
For Low-Cut Pants?</a>
</ul>
<hr> Freshman Norfolk Delegate Algie Howell Jr. introduced the bill
at the urging of constituents who are offended by the exposed
underwear.
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Howell said, "That's why they're called undergarments. They're supposed
to be worn under something else." Delegates approved a measure that
would allow police to assess a $50 fine on anyone who exposes their
below-waist underpants in a "lewd or indecent manner." Howell said that
since he introduced it last month, he's been deluged with calls and
e-mails about the issue, mostly positive. Howell told <i>The
Virginian-Pilot that</i> he kept hearing from customers in his barber
shop that something needed to be done about young people who wear their
pants around their knees, exposing their underwear. When a House
subcommittee took up the matter, the response was sympathetic yet
skeptical because of legal issues. It's going to the House floor for a
vote.<br>
</blockquote>
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