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<DIV>YOU LOST. NOW WHAT? Seven ways to fight those post-election blues <!-- endheadline -->
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<P><!-- pubdate --><I>November 4, 2004</I><!-- enddate -->
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<P><!-- SNIFFER 3: 1lose4e 11/3/04 19:32:11 -->
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<P><B><!-- byline -->BY JULIE HINDS<!-- endbyline --></B><BR><FONT
face=helvetica,arial size=1><!-- affiliation -->FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER<!-- endaffiliation --></FONT>
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<P>It's the day after the day after and you're feeling lousy.
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<P>Their man won. Your man lost. They're in a mood to celebrate. You want to go
back to bed.
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<P><!-- AG_BEGIN --><!-- AG_END -->What happened to those encouraging exit
polls? You and the other Kerry supporters must feel like you're living the
ultimate episode of "Punk'd." Or maybe it's more like "Groundhog Day," with a
loop that keeps replaying the 2000 results.
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<P>But it's not your problem alone. It's America's to resolve. After months of
bitter divisiveness, everyone is feeling the throbbing headache of a nasty
campaign hangover.
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<P>So much anger.
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<P>So many ugly accusations.
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<P>So little thought given to what effect all of this will have on our future.
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<P>"I see this as very much like a dysfunctional family," says Dale Ross, a
therapist in Southfield who's been thinking a lot lately about what happens
next. "It's going to take some time for people to heal these wounds and feel
like we're still a family and a nation."
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<P>How can you be gracious in defeat and get over losing what's been called the
most important election of our lifetime?
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<P>Maybe by following this advice from people who work to resolve conflicts.
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<P>And by remembering that this is a job that's too important to ignore.
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<P>To heal. To come together.
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<P>It's not going to be easy. But if it happens, at least it will be a win-win.
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<P><SPAN class=b>Give yourself time. </SPAN>Feeling as if you'll spend the next
four years in a funk? Be patient. What you're going through now is similar to
the mourning process, says Ross. "Just like the loss of an important friend,
part of the loss here is the future you were anticipating with them." It won't
be your guy delivering the State of the Union, pardoning the Thanksgiving turkey
or lighting the White House Christmas tree, not to mention leading the free
world. To deal with that, Ross advises doing the things you'd normally do if you
were going through a rough patch: talk to compassionate friends, try to remain
optimistic and distract yourself by focusing on things unrelated to politics.
And keep in mind that you're not alone.
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<P><SPAN class=b>Make civility a priority</SPAN>. Remember how after 9/11
everyone was nicer to others? How honking in traffic declined and smiles
replaced snarls? We need another large dose of kindness and consideration to
heal the rifts that have formed in our communities. And we need it from both
sides. "As winners, don't gloat," says Ross. "As losers, express your pain, but
don't blame." West Bloomfield psychologist Barry Jay takes it a step further. He
says it's our duty to revive that 9/11 feeling of togetherness and "feel like
America again," not two separate camps with little in common.
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<P><SPAN class=b>Take a break from hot-tempered media. </SPAN>When "Daily Show"
host Jon Stewart accused CNN's "Crossfire" of hackery, he was on to something.
TV, radio and the Web are bursting with pundits eager to inflame your loathing
for the other side. Do you really want to wallow in their venom? "You can't
change the media, so change the media you watch," says Matthew Felling of the
Center for Media and Public Affairs. "You're not going to calm down the
shriekers on cable, so give PBS a shot -- nearly every study out there depicts
the 'News-
<P>
<P>Hour' as a thorough and balanced news program. So in the chaos of a
post-election America, go where there's more light than heat."
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<P><SPAN class=b>Work, </SPAN><SPAN class=b>don't sulk. </SPAN>Just because the
vote didn't go your way doesn't mean it's time to give up. If this election had
any lesson to teach, it's the importance of being involved, not just in national
issues but also on a local and neighborhood level. Channel the passion you felt
for the 2004 race into something productive like raising money for a cause you
believe in or running for office yourself. "You don't want to go from enthusiasm
to apathy," says Karen Noelle Clark, a Southfield psychologist. "The issues you
care about don't go away after an election is over. It's not just about winning
and losing. You're in this life for the long haul."
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<P><SPAN class=b>Act like a grown</SPAN>-<SPAN class=b>up. </SPAN>When the anger
of the campaign boiled over, it led to some pretty juvenile behavior, like the
stealing of Bush and Kerry yard signs. "A lot of that stuff is just not smart.
It almost seems like something a young teenager would do," says Mike Vitale, 18,
a senior at Troy High School who helps students resolve problems through a peer
mediation program.
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<P>Now it's time to put away childish grudges and keep things in perspective,
says Rachel Marshall, 17, another Troy High mediator. "If someone was upset
about the election, I think I'd try to console them and explore how it's not the
end of the world."
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<P><SPAN class=b>Find common ground. </SPAN>Talking to the opposition may be the
last thing you want to do. But to tackle long-term issues like health care and
the war on terrorism, America must figure out how to reach a consensus, says
Fred Pearson, director of the Center for Peace and Conflict Studies at Wayne
State University. "We need to be able to listen to each other," says Pearson.
How do you heal a polarized society, especially when politicians exploit our
differences to their advantage? Pearson thinks the Web potentially could unite
citizens who seek to put aside rancor and brainstorm solutions to problems.
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<P><SPAN class=b>See the big picture. </SPAN>Although it feels as if America has
never been more divided, history begs to differ. Remember four years ago? The
summer of 1968? The Civil War? America has been through worse. "It's important
to remember our country has survived every time," says Jay. "It's time to turn
from thoughts of losing to thoughts of celebrating that we live in a democracy."
OK, so you don't want to toss any confetti just yet. But you can pause to feel
good about having a Constitution that helps us cope with adversity. And about
living under a system that allows us to do it all over again in four years. As
Washington Post columnist David Broder writes, "Resolve not to let the defeat of
your favorite candidate shatter your faith in America or turn you away from
politics. There will be another day. Remember the Red
Sox."</P></DIV></BODY></HTML>