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<DIV class=contenttitle><SPAN class=contentcopy>All,</SPAN></DIV>
<DIV class=contenttitle><SPAN class=contentcopy></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV class=contenttitle><SPAN class=contentcopy>Thought we all needed a little
humor after last night's game!</SPAN></DIV>
<DIV class=contenttitle><SPAN class=contentcopy></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV class=contenttitle><SPAN class=contentcopy>Dick</SPAN></DIV>
<DIV class=contenttitle><SPAN class=contentcopy></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV class=contenttitle><SPAN class=contentcopy>IF MEN RULED THE WORLD: TOP 26
LIST <BR><BR>1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically
forward your call to her real number. <BR><BR>2. Nodding and looking at your
watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you." <BR><BR>3.
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. <BR><BR>4. When
your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a
little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. <BR><BR>5. Each year,
your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
<BR><BR>6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO. <BR><BR>7. "Sorry
I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for
tardiness. <BR><BR>8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd
jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into
your car like Fred Flintstone. <BR><BR>9. It'd be considered harmless fun to
gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
<BR><BR>10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded
with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were
going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop:
"Nice one. That's $10 off." <BR><BR>11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
<BR><BR>12. Garbage would take itself out. <BR><BR>13. Instead of beer belly,
you'd get "beer biceps." <BR><BR>14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring,
you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
<BR><BR>15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only
occur in leap years. <BR><BR>17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd
get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too. <BR><BR>18. St. Patrick's
Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every
month. <BR><BR>19. “COPS” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice
to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks. <BR><BR>20. The only show opposite
“Monday Night Football” would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera
Angle". <BR><BR>21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell
like whiskey and beer. <BR><BR>22. Women would have to obtain a license before
wearing spandex or short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws). <BR><BR>23.
Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka. <BR><BR>24. Gun
racks would be standard on all American cars. <BR><BR>25. There would be a
device that automatically raised and lowered toilet seats. <BR><BR>26. 2005
Cloning Act:"Only Brittany Spears may be cloned."
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