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<DIV class=contenttitle>Things ONLY a Police Officer Can Say </DIV><BR><SPAN
class=contentcopy><BR>"The answer to this last question will determine
<BR>whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat <BR>or a dog?"
<BR><BR>"Fair?! You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a <BR>place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, <BR>and step in monkey-poop." <BR><BR>"No,
sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to <BR>have quotas, but now we're
allowed to write as many <BR>tickets as we want." <BR><BR>"I know, I know! Your
kid is an honor student at the <BR>juvenile detention center." <BR><BR>"I'm glad
to hear the Chief of Police is a good <BR>personal friend of yours. At least you
know someone <BR>who can post your bail." <BR><BR>"No, I don't believe they
should use the electric <BR>chair; I think they need to use electric bleachers."
<BR><BR>"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife <BR>gets a toaster
oven." <BR><BR>"Life's tough; it's tougher if you're stupid." <BR><BR>"In God we
trust; all others are suspects." <BR><BR>"Just how big were those two beers?"
<BR><BR>"Your life is not my fault." <BR><BR>"The handcuffs are tight because
they're new. They'll <BR>stretch out after you wear them awhile." <BR><BR>"Take
your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth <BR>certificate a worthless
document." <BR><BR>"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." <BR><BR>"Can you
run faster than 1200 feet per second?" <BR><BR>"So, you don't know how fast you
were going. I guess <BR>that means I can write anything I want on the ticket,
<BR>huh?" <BR><BR>"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
<BR>don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I AM <BR>the shift
supervisor?" <BR><BR>"Warning?! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you
<BR>not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
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